The one with the Trauma #Adoption

**Due to scheduling issues - aka blogger hates me at times and likes to leave scheduled posts as drafts - this did not post in November with National Adoption month like it was planned. It's still an important message. **


It's National Adoption month and I felt that maybe this is the time to let this one out. It's not the face that we show of adoption many times.  But it's still a face that's out there.

Let's just start this out and say go here and read this.

Go ahead, I'll wait....

Did you read it ? 


This is the truth that most foster/adoptive parents feel at times.  The lie that you portray because you don't want to admit even to yourself how bad things can be at times.  The lie that makes everything look hunky dory when in reality you are questioning every decision you've ever made.

I'm not saying that every single foster/adoptive situation is like this.  Some will make the adjustment and coast along and have a grand ole time.   But sometimes, the trauma is too much to let go and put in the past.  Sometimes, it rears it's ugly had over and over again.    Sometimes, it makes you question everything despite the love.

I think we were fairly lucky - 3 out of 4 of our adopted kiddos escaped with the bare minimum of trauma from their pasts.  One was just not so lucky.  His situation is not unique, I believe it's more on how his brain has chosen to deal with the trauma he was dealt.  Some are able to shrug it off or bury it deep within themselves and move on to be happy, healthy individuals.  Some wear it like a badge and you know constantly the trauma that they deal with.  Still others, like ours- take it and tuck it into their pockets.  They walk around like 'normal' and life is a happy , well-adjusted place ... until it's not. They grab that trauma out of their pockets and all hell breaks loose.   This, to me, is the worst kind of trauma to deal with.  You never know what might trigger the meltdowns, the anger, the hatred.  You never know if you will have your loving happy family or one where one child repeatedly causes issues with every single family member.   So you sit and you wait... you wait for the shoe to drop, for your beloved perfect child to turn into the angry hateful resentful child for whom you can do no right.

I wish I could explain to you what causes the trauma and why it affects each child so differently.  3 of my children came home to me from the hospital, they have been with me their entire lives. 1 was tossed from drug house to drug house, subjected to unspeakable things and finally found her way to me at age 5.5. If she were my traumatized kid, I would well understand it.  I am thankful and surprised daily at how well she has adjusted into a normal happy tween.   Instead it is one of the 3 that came to me at birth.  Do I understand some of his issues?  Certainly !! Lots of hospital stays (despite the fact I was always beside him) can cause trauma, prenatal drug exposure is proven to cause trauma (rejection), and a birth mother who repeatedly showed favoritism to one child over the other (abandonment issues).  So can I understand why he has trauma? Yes, but it doesn't help us deal with it. Does this change how I feel about it? Do I regret adopting him??  Absolutely not.  All of my children are MY babies. Whether I birthed them or not, I love them the same.  Some just like to test those bonds a little more :)

This month we celebrate the Adoption Day anniversary of  Dimples & Fishing Pole.  I am thankful each and every day to have them in my life. .

A vent. #fostercare

It has been a good long while since I've talked about the drama that is foster care.  Beware- this post will most likely turn into a giant vent and  I cannot be held responsible for the word that may come out of my fingers.. If you are not a foster parent or have never dealt with DCS, you might just want to go wander somewhere else.. Here- go look at my mail goodies..


Alright- foster parents still reading?

Brief recap--

Spoiled Princess & Southern Darlin' are full siblings ( same bmom, same bdad).

They have 2 half siblings courtesy of bio-dad & his new wife.  Those half brothers were taken into care at birth and given adopted by another foster family (despite our attempts at getting them placed with us so the sibs could be together).  I don't worry about the boys, they are adopted into a seemingly fit family and that family wanted absolutely no contact.
They have 2 half siblings courtesy of bio-mom and new boyfriends.   These half sibs are still with bio-mom, or where ever she chooses to leave them.  DCS is not involved..   Due to bmom's criminal record, mental health issues and drug use- the Big State where we adopted Southern Darlin' from was more than a little concerned that our home state's DCS was not involved.  But what can you do?

Today's post vent is all about bmom..

Bmom and I had contact for a while.  She had supposedly cleaned up and was doing well.  One thing lead to another and she fell off the wagon and we lost contact.  Prior to that time, I happened to come in contact with her at-the-time husband's mother. Let's call her "Gma D".  

Gma D has been a blessing.  Although I have never met Bmom's younger girls (K & D) , I have always worried about them.  After all, they are my daughter's siblings.  In the same way that I worried about Southern Darlin' long before I'd ever met her, I loved her upon knowing of her existence simply due to her being Spoiled Princess' sister.   Gma D has kept me occasionally updated with pictures and how the younger girls are doing.  It is much more than I could ever hope for.   A few times a year, we email pictures of our respective girls back and forth and send updates.  Gma D & I both wish that my girls & the little girls could have some sort of contact but it's not something that can be worked out at this time.

So the other day, out of the blue I received a text from Gma D.   Bmom is back in jail.  Now I used to be pretty diligent on keeping track of both sets of kids bparents and their jail activity.  In the recent past, I gave up.  They do not want contact with me and the kids, and I am tired of tracking them thru prison websites.  Do I wish things would change? Absolutely!  I loved being able to have contact with the bparents but it's not something I can force and I'm tired of being the one to do all the work.   So ,anyway, back to my point.. lol.  Gma D let me know that Bmom was back in jail - she had one of the little girls and the other is with another family member.. It's sad that they were split up just because they have different dads :(   Immediately I looked it up on my trusty criminal websites and boom there she is - back in jail for possession.  Not a big surprise but still that little hope that maybe she'll get and stay clean is extinguished.

And then the bomb is dropped.  Bmom is pregnant.. again.  The girls will have a new 1/2 sibling out there floating around only God knows where.  According to Gma D, DCS won't do anything and knowing the county (corrupt city) she's in, I don't doubt it one bit.   My heart aches again for another baby who will be neglected by the system that is supposed to protect him.

All this drama makes me tired.   I guess I should be happy that my kids are safe and happy but it's hard not to worry about their siblings.

Foster care sucks sometimes.

My own personal PSA

**Aside before it even begins, I wrote this a few weeks ago and somehow it never published?  Go figure..  Better late than never, right? **



Does anyone else remember those old 80's Anti-Drug commercials?

This is drugs.

This is your brain on drugs.

Any questions?


If you don't remember or your *cough* too young to remember, watch below the catch back up.





My point is that here 20+yrs later I still remember that commercial.  What kind of Anti-Drug commercials do we  have now??  Nada.   Instead we watch ppl do drugs in movies or on videos.. We can easily google how to make Meth- complete with step by step photo instructions.

It's Wrong!   Someone needs to start teaching these kids how badly drugs can screw up your bodies,brains and LIVES!

So, I mentioned the other day that we had a Drug Bust at our school.  3 went down.  It was gossiped back and forth between the kids -first it was cocaine, but later they decided it was Meth.  I wrote to the principal and asked if they were going to hold some kind of parent meeting to discuss the drug problem in our school  and let us know what steps they are taking & what we ,as parents, can do to help.  Apparently our school administration feels that they cannot discuss the drug bust due to student confidentiality- which I get, I do.. But honestly people- everyone knows the names of which students were taken down.  Everyone at school has passed those names around all over. So there's not a lot of confidentiality left..

So instead, here is my public service announcement.

Don't do drugs!   - there, listen to me because I said so.. That works right?

Honestly, I don't worry too much about my older kids messing around with drugs.  They have seen first hand how it can tear apart lives and mess with your brains.

So let's talk about Meth today.

Crystal Meth, Meth,  Ice, Glass.. Whatever you want to call it, it's bad news.

It only takes ONE HIT to get you addicted to meth.   That's just crazy.   The things you will do when you are addicted are unbelievable.    Crazy baby names 101- how about I name my child after my drug of choice.   Funny, I'm never questioned when I mention that I changed her name.

Photo Source

 I can still recall the first time I met her.

It's burned into my brain.

I was sitting in the DCS office, at the CW's desk waiting while she filled out the paperwork so we could go over to the hospital and pick up my first foster baby.  (Spoiled Princess)

She walked in with a hospital bracelet still on her wrist and my first impression was that she had been very sick and was just released.  She was beyond skinny, she looked deathly sick at the time.

 I remember wondering why she was at DCS when she clearly looked like she should be home in bed recovering from a some horrible illness.



It was then that the CW introduced me to my soon-to-be daughter's biological mother.

I was in shock.   I remember thinking, there is NO way this girl just gave birth.
No Way.    I didn't realize she had a Body by Crystal Meth.

Photo Source

Meth Mouth comes along as well.   I have not laid eyes on my girls' biological mom since Spoiled Princess was 3months old.   It's been well over 6years since I last saw her.   I do remember the same CW seeing her during that first year and mentioning that she was getting Meth Mouth.

Photo Source

I could sit here and tell you the way Meth tore apart the lives of so many people.  How it can mess with the developing brains of a child when exposed in utero.    But regardless of all that, it's a horrible scary drug.  We need to teach our children, to make sure they understand the true damage that can be done and to protect them.

Apparently some one needs to bring back the 80's egg and show it to the next generation..  Not that I"m sure it did much good for mine :(




*Note to FBI, CIA, Homeland Security & Drug Task Force-- if something led you to seize my computer (jerks, I can't live w/o my computer.. GIVE IT BACK!),  please note that I did google meth for the pics & information above.   I'm a paranoid googler, I always think what if I was murdered and Criminal Minds decided to go thru my computer.. lol.

           Just say no.. 

Pleasant Surprises

May is National Foster Care Month..

Just in case you didn't know.

I don't talk a lot about foster care on here anymore.  My kids are all adopted now and we haven't had any new placements, so there's just not a lot to talk about.   We do still have 2 openings but I'm not sure if we'll ever get placements or if we will just end up closing our home down.   I've been burned by too many corrupt caseworkers but overall I do believe in foster care.  No matter how burned out I get, I can just see a child in need and be ready to do it again.

Currently in the US there are somewhere around 424,000 children in foster care.  That number is astounding.  Dang near half a million kids in care. 

Stop and think about it for a minute. 

Unbelievable.  

And yes more than a bit sad that we live in a society where abusing our kids is more and more acceptable.

Ok I'm done with my soap box, let me step down....

This morning the doorbell rang prior to 9am.

I was in my nightgown (braless - ugh)  and just getting ready to toss my head under the faucet to wash my hair.   No make up.. Icky hair..  It wasn't pretty.

I contemplated ignoring the bell because no one wants to see me like this.. Alas, both boys were in the front window looking at birds & Fishing Pole is waving madly.


So I tossed my towel around my head to cover up the hair that was badly in need of a wash and answered like that.  UGH!.

Imagine my surprise shock dismay to find the foster parent worker at the door.  Now I'm quickly scanning my brain trying to figure out if I'd forgotten an appt or what?? 


Then she plastered a smile on and produced a box of cookies. 


Apparently they were going to all their foster homes in the region to deliver a box of cookies & card for Foster Parent Appreciation Day!   A first in our area.. Now I feel special even if I don't ever get any more placements.. lol.


xoxo,

Adoption Day is finally here!

November is National Adoption Month.  Did you know?  My life has revolved around foster care for the past 6yrs and so it seems to me like everyone should already know all about it.  More than 114,000 foster children are available for adoption right now.   I've adopted my 4 and done my part. Your turn :)

As you know, the much anticipated adoption of Drool Prince & TheToddler has finally occurred! Sure it took 4½ & 2½ yrs but it's over and done with at last.   No more dealing with DCS, no more asking permission to go out of state, no more asking permission for Anything.  Loving it!

It's time to relive it - with pics. Be warned, there will be LOTs of pics..  Also be warned that some are taken w/ my phone which seemed to take craptastic pics that day even though it normally takes awesome ones.. Go figure.

~*~*~*~*~*~

First things first, The Toddler needed to get his hair did. You see the boy has awesome hair.  Great curls that I love but cannot control.  I can get his hair to look completely fab for about 3hrs and then it starts frizzing out.  We've grown it out (and boy does it grow like a weed) because I wanted to do some braids. Ok, ok.. I didn't want to do braids.  I wanted to get braids done. My fingers don't do the work quite so well, at least not when dealing with the sheer volume of hair these boys seem to come up with.

So a few days before adoption, I took him and got his hair braided.

He did not like it.

In fact, he protested quite a bit.

Thankfully our new stylist did not mind a bit and she did a pretty awesome job!

Cute, ain't he?

As adoption day loomed closer there were a few last minute snags.. We elected to ignore the slap in the face that was given during subsidy negotiations (more on this later because I tend to open my mouth when I should shut it) we accepted it and were able to move forward.. Nothing like being "threatened" with removal two days prior to adoption though..

Finally the day had arrived.. We got up super early as our adoption was set for 8:30in the morning.. Ugh.. We showed up and waited..  Waited for DCS to make their appearance (even though they ended up having no part in the adoption, still scratching my head over why they had to be there)..

That's Cowie sitting there w/ the kids :)

TheToddler was in a bit of a "mood"

Almost time!!

Southern Darlin' absolutely refused to smile. Poor thing, she was terrified to be in court.  Our best guess is that she was afraid we were returning her since the last time she'd been in a similar room was when we finalized her adoption.  It was sad to see her so scared.

closest thing to a smile we could get out of her.

Daddy Chaos made sure to tell her that we will Never Ever go to a courthouse Ever again so she just had to get thru this and we'd all go home..

Cowie was sure to pip up "until they call you with those newborn twin girls" since she knows it's my not-so-secret desire.

Drama Queen, not to be outdone, pipped in and said "We wont' be in court again until I'm here for juvie." Silly girl, doesn't she know that she doesn't look good in stripes?

Finally everyone arrived and we proceeded with the adoption!  Drool Prince wanted to be asked questions so our atty asked how old he was, did he want to be adopted & what his name was.  He planned on saying that he wanted his name to be "newfirstname newmiddlename 'Fishing Pole' ourlastname" so our atty prepared the judge ahead of time.  But when it came down to it, he chickened out and just said newmiddlename (which is what he will go by). When asked again he spelled his name.. lol. That definitely got a chuckle from all involved.  I do believe we will change his name to FishingPole on the blog though, only seems fair that he gets it somewhere after all that thought he put into it. lol.

He insisted on sitting in the judge's chair since we did it at Southern Darlin's adoption lol

Our completed family w/the Judge involved in 3 of the 4 cases!

Cowie with the boys, no longer her CASA kids.. now just her 'grandkids'

Once the adoption was finalized and we had gathered our shiny new adoption decrees, we headed out to breakfast because we were all starved. 8:30 in the AM at a courthouse 30+mins away from me plus 6kids to get ready = we didn't eat beforehand.  Sure I threw some dry cereal at the kids on the way but that doesn't count in anyone's book.

So breakfast was had by all. We had some other friends/family join us.. GmaH & Gpa J as well as WishyWashy and BabyMM came along :)   I had planned on doing some family pics after breakfast but I didn't plan for Drool Prince Fishing Pole to wear most of his breakfast vs eating it..  Or for TheToddler to decide to save up and soak his clothes completely with urine 15mins after I changed a diaper.  Fun times.. fun times..  So the only post adoption pics are the ones from breakfast..

Momma, TheToddler, 'FishingPole' & Daddy

Sisters plus Baby MM

After breakfast we went to visit TheToddler's fiance and change clothes.. Then off to the movies to see Drool Prince's  Fishing Pole's (that's gonna take some getting used to) choice of movies - MegaMind !

Obviously it was a long day.. 

And now it's over.  I don't feel the least bit different than I did last month or last year.. They've always been my boys. The only difference now is that everyone else has to call them by their new names.. Of our four adoptions, these two were the longest awaited ones.  I do have a sense of relief , a weight lifted that no one can take them ever again. 

Drool Prince Fishing Pole has been waiting a long time for this and happily tells everyone he sees that he is finally 'dopted!!  He then proceeds to tell them that they have to call him NewName and no one is ever allowed to call him OldName again!  Yes, sweetie- you are 100% right!

Xoxo,

A Date :) A Date :)

In a mere 7weeks + a few days,  Southern Darlin' will be LEGALLY ours!!!!

Yes my dears, we have an Adoption Date!!   How easy was that??

Now to just get My state in gear.. As much as I am celebrating the finalization of this adoption, it also brings a little resentment on behalf of the two kiddos who have been in our family their ENTIRE lives yet are still playing limbo in the foster care system.

Spoiled Princess was lucky to only spend 17months in foster care before adoption.

When all is said and done, Southern Darlin' will have spent almost half of her life  (34months) in foster care- 10 of those months in our home.

Baby Bug has been in foster care his entire life (21months & counting) and with the rate our county goes at will be in it for quite some time to come. 

Drool Prince is still lingering away after almost 48months in care so far and counting. TPR happened 18months ago.. I repeatedly told the FCM that I really really wanted to get Drool Prince's adoption finalized before Southern Darlin's came up.  It only seems fair.  He's been here his entire life, why should he have to wait longer than someone who has only been here a small fraction of hers.  I guess I should be grateful that he really doesn't know the difference.  That he doesn't completely understand the concept of adoption. He already uses his new name and has for a long time, we are the only parents he's ever known.. It just doesn't seem fair that he has to wait because someone can't get the forms together to let us finalize.. Someone who is reminded weekly via email & monthly via homevisits.

I digress..   I'm very excited about Southern Darlin's upcoming adoption, I just wish there wasn't this little piece of unhappiness clouding it.

Another day in court..

Court yesterday was definitely interesting as I predicted.

DCS lost it's atty who I very much liked.  Unfortunately he has a family now and no one can blame him for jumping ship when his contract was up and moving onto the much more lucrative private side of attorneyhood  attorneyship you know what the heck I"m trying to say..

So this court date was the first time I've met the 'stand in' .. Yes they have 13 applicants but it seems are taking their sweet time going over the applications, so for now we share an atty with some other county..

This atty was HILARIOUS. S'rsly! I  almost burst out laughing in court. He was very...shall we say... enthusiastic?  Reminded me of a hyped up Matlock.

When the judge asked if DCS had anything to add to their already admitted report, he jumped up- fist in arm-and said YES I DO!   :giggle:.

In the end, it went very well.  DCS stated they will be refiling TPR as soon as the new atty can get the paperwork filled out based on the most recent self sabotaging Bmom has been doing..

We shall sit and see what happens, yet again.  Boy this sucks.

Always in someone else's hands

Tomorrow is court for Baby Bug.. The first court date since we (DCS) lost TPR.  In my state it takes two judges to agree in order for TPR to go thru.  We have the CHINS (Child in need of services) Judge & then the TPR judge (where the trial actually happens).

Tomorrow we go back to our CHIN's judge to see what he tells us to do.  The goal is officially changed back to reunification but we have many obstacles hindering that actually happening.  The CHIN's judge was actually DCS's attorney when Drool Prince first came into care so he knows the history & the family very well.  He was fully supportive of TPR filing & wondered why DCS waited as long as they did.  Needless to say, everyone expects him to be less than happy that the TPR judge did not grant it..

It should be very interesting, especially when those very important obstacles are brought up.  Everyone keep your fingers crossed for Baby Bug!

Policies are for the weak.

Our local DCS drives me absolutely batty.. I'm sure I've mentioned it before in the various cases of Spoiled Princess, her 1/2brothers, Drool Prince & Baby Bug's cases.. They are nothing if not inconsistent.

It seems that they can't decide which policy to uphold or if they should really just make up their own on any given day. 

What might work for one case, definitely is not the same for the next case even though the circumstances might be exactly the same.

To that I say a very big  WHATEVER!! I'd like to maybe add a f***  in between the What & Ever but you see how I restrained myself?

The stupid thing is that I shouldn't really be upset. It's a selfish upset really. Stupid and feeling sorry for myself..

But anyway, I'm justified once in a while right?

So I ran into my favorite caseworker who is now an investigator [I really think Drool Prince's case drug out wayyy too long and burned her out b/c she switched to investigator right after him.. ha] at DCS last week.. Finally!  My friend had left several messages and no return calls regarding the "situation"  so I decided to take the bull by the horns so to speak and just do it myself.  Opportunity presents itself and so on..

So anyway, I mentioned the situation to Miss Investigator & how WishyWashy wants to make a plan to be sure the baby comes to us.  Miss Investigator said that's great- shouldnt' be a problem, does their job for them & I'll be expecting the call anyway so it'll work fine.  She tells me that I do need to get with the supervisor & director so they know everything as well that way if she's not on call when the case comes in it wont get messed up.

No biggie.

Except Director hasn't responded to 2 of WishyWashy's phone messages, 1 hand written note & 1 email from me..  BLAH

I did get ahold of the supervisor today*. Explained the situation.. She wants WishyWashy to call herself and discuss it. Fine, ok whatever.  She then proceeds to tell me that even though they have a ++ Drug screen on file for the unborn baby, they won't do anything about it unless someone else (ie. hospital) makes a report first.. And if the report doesn't come in, well they'll just tear up that drug screen and toss it in the trash.  Can anyone tell me WHAT is the point of the Dr even sending the drug test over if they don't do anything about it?  I mean in this case especially- the bmom is saying- yes I did drugs, yes I know you're going to take the baby & this is where I really want you to put her.. But they may just say ohh well no one else turned you in so no biggie.. WTF?

Regardless, WishyWashy & Supervisor have been playing phone tag.. Who knows if/when they'll ever actually get to speak live in person..  Anyone want to place bets on whether DCS actually does their job or lets it all slip thru the cracks? 

**I wrote this earlier in the week but didn't have a chance to finish it so obviously when I say I talked to ppl today- you all know it's not really today b/c I'm at home doing nothing whatsoever ! 

Still Kickin..

It's been a rough few weeks but we're still alive.  We spent the first week crying and devastated. Then got angry. Everyone is shocked at the judge's decision. Not to mention the fact that he apparently made it immediately upon receiving the attys' final paperwork. No sitting and thinking about it.  Not him, he signed it and then sat on it for 2wks before giving the decision to anyone.  I'm sorry but that just sounds fishy to me. If you were confident in your decision- would you really sit on it for 2wks? I think not.

I have a friend who is an acquaintance of said Idiot Judge. Apparently last time she saw him out and about, she did give him a piece of her mind. Ha! I wish she might have kicked his shins while she was at it, but it's something I guess! LOL.

There is soo much I wrote and erased.. Nothing I can really say here on a public blog. But I can safely say that everyone involved (sans DCS) is in the pissed off this is not happening stage. If only this blow had united DCS with the rest of the team to do something about this, alas they seem to be sitting on their asses and giving bmom whatever she wants.  I'm really hoping that this is some super secret stealthy move so they can jump out and spring a drug test @ the most opportune time.  I doubt it.

One thing that confuses me about this whole thing. If TPR is denied, bdad's voluntary TPR was also now void (his was contigent that Bmom get terminated).  So technically the state should have to pursue RU with either parent.  DCS is ignoring Bdad. Regardless of the fact that Bdad would give the baby to us if he got custody- I still strongly feel he's the better choice for many reasons. Yet they didn't even invite him to the case conference.. GRRR!

Ok now I've completely irritated myself w/this post so I'm going to just shut up & come back to give info on the possible Dec situation after while :)

Devastated

The verdict is in on TPR on Baby Bug.  Everyone was blown away to read that the termination petition was DENIED.  The court found there was not enough evidence to terminate & DCS must now change the goal back to RU & offer more services.

We are heartbroken and angry. This very same judge that granted termination on Drool Prince a year ago has now denied for Baby Bug even though the exact same biological parents & circumstances exist.

The only good I can find is that at this point, Baby Bug will not be immediately returned. Biomom must still work a caseplan. Things could change drastically when we go back to court in January.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We could sure use them right now.

Babies Anonymous

You know it's bad when your husband comes up to you, pushes his stomach out and makes his pretend baby belly *kick* you And you cry.

Sure it's hormone city here but still.. It's there, that little bit of sadness that your last baby is growing up. Lord help me, I want another one. It's an addiction I swear it! Someone get me into babies anonymous!

Baby Bug is walking! WALKING I say. The boy did not sit alone til 10.5months and then immediately started crawling. He's been walking for probably 2wks but has pretty much mastered it now, no more of those wobbly steps and falling down.. Not for him.

Now he gives you that look "Come get me! neener neener" and takes off at a fast fairly stable walk.

Little shit. How dare he grow up on me? This itty bitty who now weighs an average weight and is loosing that FTT diagnosis (yay me, as London would say. If you don't get that, don't ask.. Disney is on here 24/7). He walks, he talks (ok not really but he babbles so that counts right) and I cry just looking at it.

Yet here is his biomom, the woman who carried him for 9months - sure she didn't take the best care of him during those 9months but you'd think she had to care for him some since she did carry him right? This woman who does not see him since he was barely 8lbs and is now darn near 23lbs..

She doesn't blink an eye.

No tears....

No outward excitement whatsoever..

Just an "Oh, there he is."

We are now seeing her several times a week as she's on house arrest and quite frankly has nothing else to do (not only my opinion) until TPR happens.

She's friendly to me but it makes me want to shake her.

SHOW him some love. Bring him a little stuffed animal, a ball, anything that shows you were thinking of him once you left the office.

Act excited to see him. Instead of ripping him screaming from my arms, wait as I try to calm him and get him to see that you are a friend and it's ok to go with you.

For God's sake, quit just bouncing him as hard on your hip and telling him that he'll get over it, quit crying.. He wants his mommy, the only one he knows , the only one that has ever shown him that he is a precious baby to be loved and not just a possession.

It breaks my heart that we have to go thru this over and over. The baby who flinches whenever she tries to touch him, who hits her away and tries to hide himself in my neck is the same baby who is smiling and friendly to the cashier at Walmart.

The saddest part is that the same baby that has been screaming and reaching for me has already learned that I can't save him from this. He's giving up. The last time we made the transition from me to her, he cried but then he just shut down. You could see it in his face, he zoned out b/c he doesn't want to deal with it. It breaks my heart that he has to go thru this and learn the lesson that he can't always count on me to save him. I can only hope that TPR comes thru quickly.

Good and bad

It's been a while since I posted.. I know, I know.. Things are busy, what can I say? I think up all these blog posts (boy I can be funny in my head..) and then when I actually get a moment on the computer w/o someone whining that they need me, or the baby doesn't turn off the 'puter the minute he notices that pretty orange light (WHY put the power light right on the front at perfect level for a crawling baby?!WHY?!)- I totally forget what I was going to say.. But that happens alot to me.. I like to say that the kids just suck my brains out b/c it doesn't matter if I only gave birth to two of them, all 6 are sucking me dry.. I can be halfway thru a sentence deeply into a topic when I blink and am competely lost. No clue what I was going to say or where I might have been going.. DH always tries to prompt me with whatever I'd been saying but it leads me no where.. I dont know why he bothers anymore.. ok wait, where was I going with this??

Anyway- things are going ok in the Kingdom of Chaos (knock on wood repeately). Some better than others :

Southern Darlin' is settling in. I discovered the reason (I think) for our outbreak of major meltdowns last week and think it's taken care of.. :)

Drool Prince has decided that even though he basically completely potty trained while we were in TX, it's now cool to start going in our pants repeatedly again.. Fun times..

Baby Bug's biomom was released from prison and has begun visits. It amazes me how these kids who were removed at birth and had very little time with a bioparent can remember so much. Drool Prince was the exact same way but they just cannot stand their biomom :( She reaches out to just touch Baby Bug when I come in and he flinches away and quickly hides his head. He screams those huge cries that no sound comes out right away when I have to hand him over.. It's heartbreaking but nothign can be done. Everyone is afraid to push and give biomom ammo. So instead she requests more visits & voila - sure, whatever.. We don't care that it's tramatizing to the baby, why don't we add more.. TPR trial can not come soon enough for me.

My sandwich.

ok honestly WTF? It's been one of those days.. I can't even make a post w/o it posting on it's own. I mean Come ON! I go the title typed in and blogger says " Your blog post was published".. uhmm 'scuse me?? I didn't mean to publish so why do you publish w/o me?? Honestly?

Back to the point of the post.. We're gonna pretend like that didn't happen at all, k? mkay!

Sooo my buddy Annie , put up a good post today that really spoke to me. She was talking about the Good News Sandwich which is basically (and I'm completely paraphrasing b/c I dont want to go back and copy/paste what she said b/c that'd totally be plagerizing her but also I'm too dang lazy even though it totally would have been faster than typing all this crap out) layering the bad news with some good news. I tried doing this with my day today but quite honestly my sandwich is somehow one of those super sized mega sandwiches which would literally choke your arteries in one bite.. Let's go for it anyway shall we?

To my newest addition who is still trying to deal with all the changes and find her way in this new family :

*good*Thanks for doing such a great job today not having a fit when we left the park!
*bad*Sucks that you decided to save that for the hair salon where you decided to throw yourself on the floor multiple times after being asked to apologize to your sister for destroying her building in the play area.
*good* Good job informing me that your eyes were happy and you were all done crying now Mommy!
*bad* too bad, we were already at home b/c you had run screaming from me when you were asked to sit down and I had to carry you out of the salon w/ soaking wet hair and no hair cut for me :(
*good* Yay for you eating supper and accepting early bedtime since we all agreed that skipping nap today was probably not a good idea :)
*bad* too bad you decided that after laying down for 10mins you could get up and say Good Morning Mommy!! and then proceed to have a fit when you were informed that 10mins was not 'going to bed'
*good* Great job looking absolutely adorable and innocent once you finally fell asleep which totally made mommy want to crawl in bed and cuddle with you but I didn't b/c I did not want to wake you up and possibly start another tantrum..

Been here 8 full days now. We have had 3 major meltdowns and 1-2 mini tantrums. Completely irritated that we have to wait up to "45 days" to get medicaid approved in our state since obviously sending state medicaid doesn't work here and I want therapy NOW!! Can anyone explain to me how if play therapy is recommended a minimum of 4 times in 2yrs of casefile- why oh why is a foster parent allowed to say no? That wouldn't be allowed here..
Did I mention I have a headache? All kids sleeping- I'm going to BED!!

Warning- bitchy Momma on the prowl..but cute pic included.

Dont say I didn't warn ya, mkay? Let's start out with our first 'family' pic of all the kids together because I'd rather win you over with the cuteness of my kids before I show my bitchiness.. Naturally I'm a geek and made them all wear matching clothes.. Is it just a bit sad that I had to blur out 3 of the 6 kids? Lol!


So there you have it.. The complete Chaos royal family (minus king & queen naturally bc uhmm I was taking pic and Daddy was trying to get everyone to look at Momma & smile for Pete Sakes!).

Things have been interesting here in the Kingdom of Chaos. Daddy Chaos took the remainder of last week off to help get Southern Darlin' adjusted into our home. The first nite was rough, after the big trip here which took way longer than it should have- getting home, settled in & trying to see everything & do everything at once.. well Southern Darlin' just wasn't ready for bed even if it was very late. We had a lovely meltdown about sleeping in our own beds since after all the girls all shared a bed @ the hotel .. Finally peace was acheived. We spent most of last week doing fun stuff- park, zoo, ect..

Today arrived with Daddy Chaos going back to work. Things went fairly well here even though I was down two helpers (daddy @ work & Drama Queen @ gma's). All the lil ones took naps but sadly things went a bit downhill from there.. Our Southern Darlin' was an only child or baby of the family up til now .. She's not used to others actually wanting to play the same games or toys.. or wanting to see ABCs as well. So if she starts singing A B C D E F G... and Drool Prince or Spoiled Princess start joining in, O.M.G.. let's just leave it at that.. Today was a whiney day in the Kingdom of Chaos and we're all hoping that tomorrow is better.. I'm sure the fact that Momma is not in the best of moods and therefore probably not coping with whiney kids in the manner in which she should, has absolutely NOTHING to do with it.. I need mother nature to install a bright neon sign during this portion of the month to just let everyone know that HELLO- back the hell off and leave me alone ! Absolutely Do NOT email me all nicey nice after ignoring several emails from me only to let me know that we have baby mama drama b/c someone got out of prison early and has now decided after a year away that she should get to pick right up again and start seeing said baby. Too bad someone else doesn't have the brains to read their policy and realize that if TPR has been filed, all services INCLUDING visitation are supposed to be ceased immediately.. or maybe just not the balls to say NO, you may not have visits, too little too late go fly a kite. Ohh well I warned you I was bitchy today. Sorries. At least I gave you a cute pic right? So what if I rambled on and on and on.. Try again tomorrow- maybe you'll get a halfway decent post to read.. but I'm bettign I'll still be bitching about the baby mama drama..

The Meeting Pt. 2

O.M.G! After days of trying to post (and being unsuccessful in getting blogger to get past the "create post" key) I am just about ready to scream bloody murder! However, I finally got in (woohoo!) and can now post the rest of the story!!

Soo when we left off , we had just arrived (on time, naturally) at the foster home. Daddy Chaos went up to the door to verify the Adoption worker was there while I got all the kiddos unbuckled. As we were walking up the sidewalk, Southern Darlin' came running out of the house to give Spoiled Princess a big hug and then ran back inside. I soo wish I had my camera ready to capture that moment! Spoiled Princess turned to me grinning and said "Mommy, Southern Darlin' LIKES me!!" It was tooo sweet!

We all went inside and basically all the kids went upstairs to play almost immediately.. lol. We sat down and talked with the adoption worker and fostermom. On occasion the kids would all drift downstairs and say hi. It was cute :) The casefile was not ready for us to view as planned so we made plans to pick it up the following week. The adoption worker said we'd just go on Southern Darlin's wishes on how long to spend together. If she wanted to spend the nite some nite that was fine with her.

Once the adoption worker left, we started getting around to leave as well (about an hour later) . We discussed taking Southern Darlin' out for lunch to which Fostermom immediately piped in and asked her if she didn't want to just go ahead and spend the nite with her sister tonite? Uhmm, ok.. Like I explained in my previous post I had a bit of a fantasy on how I expected the visitation to go.. That went right up in smoke. Fostermom seemed to want to cut ties almost immediately. When we arrived, she had all of Southern Darlin's stuff sitting in trash bags & boxes by the door and pushed us to go ahead and take it that first day. We declined since we were sure that Southern Darlin' would want to come back that nite (come on, who wouldn't? lol).

So we all piled back into the van +1 kiddo. Fostermom came out to say good bye and teared up a bit. Southern Darlin' could have cared less.. She called Goodbye old mommy!! I'm going to my new mommy's house now!! Whether she was really well prepared for the transition or has a bit radish in her- I'm not really sure but thus began our week as a family of 8.

Our very first nite, Southern Darlin' was very confused. She's a literal child. When we talked about going to Applebees for lunch she wasn't sure she liked that but agreed to go. Once inside, I asked her what she wanted after naming off the kids meals. She insisted that she wanted apples b/c we were at Applebees and that's what they must have.. lol. She also kept asking if we were lost and couldn't find our way home b/c we went to the hotel to stay. In her mind, she was coming to our house now not just a visit, so I guess maybe that wasn't explained to her too well?

She was a bit sad that first nite and we called her fostermom (old mommy as she refers to her) to chat for a minute or two and promised to go there for a visit the next morning. Although we repeatedly offered to take her back home and pick her up the next morning she adamently refused to leave us and was determined that she was going to stay with "ya'll" now.

Saturday morning dawned and we went back to the foster home for a visit. She breezed in, said hi to the old mommy and then insisted that we pack all her stuff into our van b/c she didn't want to leave it behind. Foster mom commented that she would not have brought her all the way over for a visit (hindsight, she didn't pay any attention to fostermom anyway so it really was pointless but still!) and we should just have her call if she misses her. She said that Southern Darlin' was going to have to get used to it and she'd be fine. Now I'm not trying to make fostermom sound bad. I am sure that she is a very nice lady and cared for Southern Darlin' wonderfully. I do feel that she's already detaching and trying to make a clean break. When I tried to put myself in her shoes , I just couldn't imagine handling things quite the same way but we are different people.

The rest of the week went well. We had our first meltdown after going to CPS to pick up the file. Honestly I had expected it b/c visits or anything remind them of visits trigger my kids as well. After the first nite, Southern Darlin' did not ask for fostermom again. After a few days, as we talked about going back to the foster home- she got upset talking about it and was insistent that she was coming home with us and NOT going back to her old house anymore. Poor baby cried and cried the nite before she was due back to her foster home :( To her credit- the adoption worker did try to get permission for her to drive back home with us but it is against "best practice" policy and denied. After lots of talking and building up going home for the goodbye party Fostermom had planned for her, Southern Darlin' woke up Friday morning in a good mood. She marched into her foster house that morning and announced to "old mommy" that she was going to stay with her for a 'few seconds' and then fly on an airplane to her new mommy's house! Lol! :)

Last nite, after a few minor incidents including : an escalator trying to eat my precious new little one therefore missing the initial flight and having to take a later flight that included a layover and switching of planes-which resulted in a nice meltdown that the CW finally got to experience when the stewardess had the NERVE to take away cups and trash prior to landing! whew.. Finally, Southern Darlin' with a very flustered CW arrived at our local airport! We picked her up at the airport and had the CW follow us home to do the once over of the house and sign all the paperwork.. CW actually asked us if we were "sure" we really wanted to do this.. lol. I think the meltdown has scarred her for life and she was pretty eager to get out of here. I guess it's a good thing that Drool Prince has broke me in on tantrums so far huh?!

In the end, I'm sure there will be a little adjustment period and some testing of the limits (she seems to think tv should be on cartoons (toon toons) 24/7 and fostermom admits that she lets her do this-- uhmm not here honey) we'll all be fine. The good news is that she fits right into the family. I'll keep you updated on how things progress in the next few weeks (if Blogger isn't a pita again!)! I am having a hard time believing that she's finally here! After all these years, she's here...

The meeting pt.1

Still alive down here in this nasty Texas heat.. No one has died of heat stroke ....yet.

But can I just say-Oh My LORDY it is HOT!! Incredibly hot!! Beyond my tolerance hot..

Other than the heat (did I mention it's hot?) , we're having a great time. The transition with Southern Darlin' went smoothly if you could call it a transition. I was expecting a little more, maybe I'm just weird? Here's the scenario I had playing in my head :

1.Travel 1000miles away w/ 5kids in tow.

2. Check into hotel, get settled

3. Friday-meet Southern Darlin @ foster home w/ fostermom & adoption worker present. -receive case file to review & spend a few hours getting to know her before heading back to our hotel and chilling alone.

4. Saturday-pick up Southern Darlin' and spend half a day or so together- maybe go out for lunch , the mall, something!

5. Sunday- pic up Southern Darlin' and spend entire day together.

6.Monday- depending on how previous days have went, pick Southern Darlin' up at breakfast and return her at bedtime

7. Tues-Friday- possibly keep Southern Darlin' with us in our hotel room overnite if she wishes, otherwise continue w/ Monday's scenario..

8. Leave and head home again to wait for Southern Darlin' to be flown out to our house..

Nice scenario right? This is how I pictured a nice comfortable transition for everyone involved. I didn't want Southern Darlin' to be overwelmed and I also figured that our kids would need some adjusting. Now let's go over what really happened ~

Step 1- The trip

Leave our house , get 10mins away before Spoiled Princess announces she has to PEE!! Drool Prince joins in on the pee party whining. Stop 20mins away to let them both pee.

Drive another 45 mins before stopping ot grab supper (we left after Daddy Chaos got off work) and let everyone pee again (yes they had to).

JUST get out of parking lot of BK when Baby Bug decides it would be a great time to projectile vomit all over himself, his carseat & Drama Queen who is sitting next to him. Drama Queen burst into tears.. We pull into gas station to change Baby Bug & clean up (Drama Queen crawls to back of van and changes her clothes- dries her tears). Take off again.

The rest of the trip was pretty smooth sailing. Drool Prince was content with his DVD player attached to his lap, Spoiled Princess alternated playing her new PINK leapster & talking about everything she saw out the window, Attitude King was engrossed in his DS and we rarely heard anything from him & Drama Queen had her head attached to her Ipod.. We drove basically straight thru , checked into the hotel and everyone crashed. Odd happening- after months of fighting it, Drool Prince seems to have potty trained via the trip? Go figure!

Step 2- Meet Southern Darlin'

Sooo we had to get up super dooper early to get to her fosterhome @ 9am. According to mapquest, our hotel was 30mins away but we weren't sure if there would be rush hour traffic or any other delays. Thank goodness for the timechange !LOL! We got up at 6am, ate breakfast (free at our hotel- awesomeness!), piled in the van to grab some gas and get on our way. After just one wrong turn (at the very end- oops, but dang it all those little "slight left .1mi" was crap!), we arrived right on time!

...To be continued b/c the rugrats are awake from naps & ready for supper!!

The time has come my friends..

The time has come for me to leave you alone in bloggyland for upwards of two weeks! :gasp:

I know, I know... hard to imagine, what with me being so good at daily updates. :snort:

But alas, the time has come for us to cram the rest of the kids stuff into the car, load up the demons kids and take off on our 16hr 4min trip to our hotel. (Yes, we have to count those 4mins.. Anything could go wrong in those extra 4mins which would result in said child being tossed out of the car to hoof it the rest of the way alone).

Naturally we're all excited, I'm sure you'd never have guessed that huh? lol..

I'm a bit.... nervous?? Not really cold feet but a bit scared I guess. It's a new experience.
Although the youngest three Chaos kiddos have been added via foster/adoption - they all came to us as newborns so it was not alot different than popping one out myself (just skip the morning sickness.. I'd say weight gain but their cases stress me enough so I can count that weight gain in.. lol).

What we are about to embark on is foreign territory. Southern Darlin' is a FIVE yr old. Definitely not at the bottom of the child roster .. instead she's getting snuck right into the middle of the group. I worry how everyone is going to react. Not only the kids already here, but Southern Darlin' herself. She spent the first 3.5yrs of her life being tossed around, living in deplorable conditions, probably wondering if she'd eat or not that nite. Then she got placed in a loving foster home for the next 2yrs where she was the "baby" of the family. She's going to have some major adjusting and has to adjust to all 7 of us.. Don't get me wrong, I am sooo looking forward to having her here. We've worried and loved her as our own since Spoiled Princess came into our lives and we found out about her.. But I still worry (I'm a worrier by nature in case you haven't figured that out yet.. and if you haven't- where the heck have you been?)..

I think one of my biggest worries is a very selfish one. But where am I going to fit into her life? Sure I'll be the new mommy. But I'm now replacing 2 mommies in her life (biomom & fostermom). Everyone else came to me and only knew me as mommy.. Sure most foster parents deal with this early on, I guess I was just *special* to not have to until now.

God, I hope she likes us!

**side note- we may or may not be taking the laptop. If I do, I hope to update the blog after the meeting! If not, I'll update on Twitter via my phone! So if you don't already follow me look in the sidebar and start following ~~~~~~~~>

Bye bye Baby..

Baby Bug has officially added 'year' to his repertoire. No longer can I say, oh he's just 6months, 10 months..even 11months old.. No more.. as of today- he is 1yr old. (honestly I'll be using months til he's at least 18months but it's the point of the matter! work with me!).

It's a bittersweet day.. my likely very last baby is leaving all the babyhood stuff behind and fast approaching toddlerhood. What started as this itty bitty teeny tiny preemie grew and grew and grew.. He didn't start crawling til darn near 11months old and I assumed I'd have a while til walking. Apparently not. He's now pulling up and starting to cruise, I can only guess that first steps wont be too far behind.

We have court tomorrow and while biodad has made his opinion part of the official report, we have yet to see what biomom will do/say to DCS's request... I'm fairly certain she'll fight to the bitter end but we shall see..

I even have cute DCS policy friendly pictures to share (see how nice I am? Taking a zillion and one birthday pics & I thought to myself- ooh make sure you get a few that you can post on the blog!) !
I took a picture of the entire cake b/c O.M.G was it ever cute.. but when I edited it to take out Baby Bug's name.. it well.. somehow the pic keeps screwing up when I upload it here.. No clue.. Just take my word for it- ADORABLE!! Pooh & Tigger :) Perfection!

Hilarious to say the least! It took him a good 10mins before he'd even touch the cake :)
Ewww look at that hand !LOL!
He went straight to the tub.. Chocolate cake in the hair.. But ohh my did he have fun! If only I could share the huge grins once he really got into it.. Adorable! I did have an "ewww" moment when I put him in the tub and thought how close choc. cake in the hair looks like well something else we're not talking about.. lol Drama Queen has decided that this year for her 14th bday, she wants to do it up baby style.. no fork, no spoon- all mess! lol

Good, not soo good and downright bad!

Life is always a mess around here.. Good news, not so good news and downright bad news.

Let's start with the good!

We had our ICPC homestudy visit yesterday :) It went well. We were allowed to learn a little more about Southern Darlin' (who ironically shares a bdate with my nephew.. ha.. we have a thing in this family and sharing bdates with someone). After some gentle persuasion, the social worker (homestudy lady? not sure her exact title) agreed that she'd have it dictated by this friday and it should be typed up, reviewed and ready to send out by Next Friday.. Woohoo! Then it just needs to work its way back thru the lovely county, state icpc, state icpc, county system.. So I'm hoping 3wks total to get it back to where Southern Darlin' is?? I may be thinking overly optimistically there but one can hope right?

Not Quite so good news :

Baby Bug & Spoiled Princess are sick.. SP got it first- lovely cough and whining fulltime included. She had a fever last nite but it seems to be staying away today. Baby Bug hacks up a lung, smiles up with his drooly smile and crawls off.

Definitely not good news:

I spoke to the bparents of Lil Bro (biodad to SP & SD and his new wife) and found out that Littler Lil Bro was also taken into care by DCS. From what the mama said it was something that I can't see a reason to take him , maybe in home services but not removal.. It sounds very much like a planned removal which makes me sad since they surrendered on Lil Bro just to be able to keep Littler Lil Bro.. It makes me sad for them that it seems they may have straightened up their lives some , only to get kicked back down again. Of course I only know their side of the story but oddly the mama is one of those people that tends to tell the truth even when it hurts them. Who knows, I suppose I'm more likely to believe them because I do know how corrupt that county is. What a mess!

The worst news:

Gpa Chaos (my dad) is in the hospital. Any spare thoughts/prayers would be greatly appreciated. Not feeling well yesterday, he was taken to the dr - dr then called the ambulance and had him taken to the hospital. They are not really sure what's going on- if he had a heart attack, heart spasms, pacemaker on the fritz. Still waiting on blood tests to determine if there's a blood infection or anything else. There's some fluid on his lungs which the dr said could be pneumonia or heart failure (echo showed a sluggish heart).. It's bad when you hope and pray for pneumonia.. Keep him in your thoughts. He's my daddy and we all love him!