Friday, July 31, 2009

Babies Anonymous

You know it's bad when your husband comes up to you, pushes his stomach out and makes his pretend baby belly *kick* you And you cry.

Sure it's hormone city here but still.. It's there, that little bit of sadness that your last baby is growing up. Lord help me, I want another one. It's an addiction I swear it! Someone get me into babies anonymous!

Baby Bug is walking! WALKING I say. The boy did not sit alone til 10.5months and then immediately started crawling. He's been walking for probably 2wks but has pretty much mastered it now, no more of those wobbly steps and falling down.. Not for him.

Now he gives you that look "Come get me! neener neener" and takes off at a fast fairly stable walk.

Little shit. How dare he grow up on me? This itty bitty who now weighs an average weight and is loosing that FTT diagnosis (yay me, as London would say. If you don't get that, don't ask.. Disney is on here 24/7). He walks, he talks (ok not really but he babbles so that counts right) and I cry just looking at it.

Yet here is his biomom, the woman who carried him for 9months - sure she didn't take the best care of him during those 9months but you'd think she had to care for him some since she did carry him right? This woman who does not see him since he was barely 8lbs and is now darn near 23lbs..

She doesn't blink an eye.

No tears....

No outward excitement whatsoever..

Just an "Oh, there he is."

We are now seeing her several times a week as she's on house arrest and quite frankly has nothing else to do (not only my opinion) until TPR happens.

She's friendly to me but it makes me want to shake her.

SHOW him some love. Bring him a little stuffed animal, a ball, anything that shows you were thinking of him once you left the office.

Act excited to see him. Instead of ripping him screaming from my arms, wait as I try to calm him and get him to see that you are a friend and it's ok to go with you.

For God's sake, quit just bouncing him as hard on your hip and telling him that he'll get over it, quit crying.. He wants his mommy, the only one he knows , the only one that has ever shown him that he is a precious baby to be loved and not just a possession.

It breaks my heart that we have to go thru this over and over. The baby who flinches whenever she tries to touch him, who hits her away and tries to hide himself in my neck is the same baby who is smiling and friendly to the cashier at Walmart.

The saddest part is that the same baby that has been screaming and reaching for me has already learned that I can't save him from this. He's giving up. The last time we made the transition from me to her, he cried but then he just shut down. You could see it in his face, he zoned out b/c he doesn't want to deal with it. It breaks my heart that he has to go thru this and learn the lesson that he can't always count on me to save him. I can only hope that TPR comes thru quickly.

1 comment:

  1. The pain of being a foster mom. I found you through Essie....I am a foster mom too, and I can feel your pain for you little one in this post...I know it well. We are also moving toward TPR in October on our little boy that we have had for a year.


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