The poop post

The morning started off innocent enough.

Spoiled Princess got up and immediately sat down at her new picnic table. She's a little attached to it .

Baby Bug was crawling around, knocking over hampers and pulling his dirty clothes out.

Momma went to the kitchen, hollared downstairs for Drool Prince to GET UP already! and proceeded to make everyone's drink of choice (they're very into routine &must have their drinks - SP gets choc. milk cup, DP gets a "ba ba cup" which is his formula put into a sippy cup, & BB gets his bottle (or sippy of juice if he's already had bottle, depending on when he decided to wake up)).

Drool Prince comes upstairs and tries to sit down at the new picnic table.

Then it begins..

"Ewww.. Drool Prince smells like poop" Spoiled Princess starts hollaring.

"DP, did you poop your pants? Go lay down so I can come change you as soon as I get these cups finished" Momma yells.

"Ewwww! EWW! Mommma!!! Drool Prince has poop ALL OVER" SP exclaims.

Now honestly I was expecting an exploded diaper or something, til I came in there. The boy had poop caked and dried onto his hands, in his hair , all over his jammies.. This was not a simple diaper malfunction.

I'm not proud of my reaction. There was yelling, screaming and quite a few bad words passed my lips. We stomped immediately to the bathroom- jammies in the trash cuz Momma don't do that kind of mess. Bathtime- boy got cleaned up. Then it was time to survey the damage to his room. I was scared. I did not want to see it.

As soon as I got to the bottom of the stairs I could SMELL it.. There was poo on the bed, toys incased in poo (who the hell plays in their poop with TOYS? I mean come on? Honestly?), poo Smeared all over the wall- including poo on Pooh... I admit it now, poop smearing is more than I can handle. I bawled like a baby. This is the kid that hates to have his hands dirty at all- what possessed him to do this I have no clue.

Some will say that I should have had DP clean it up or help.. And that might have worked but personally I wanted him out of my sight so I didn't explode again. I felt bad for yelling earlier (not that he didn't deserve it but still) so the kid got stuck in BB's highchair and in the corner for timeout while I cleaned up the nasty mess.. But not before I let him watch me throw all those beloved whales that now had poop on them (or even near them cuz I'm mean like that) into the trash can..

What was he most upset about?? Momma dumping out his ba ba cup.. For the love of GOD! ugh.. He will be calling Pop-pop & Cowie later to confess his sins which will probably be his worst punishment (in his eyes)..

Now that it's over.. Momma needs a huge Dr Pepper- anyone deliver?

Free 3yo .. I may pay you to take him for the day!

Stress BITES..

Today goes down in the record books for my award of "shittiest mom moments".. I'll start off with my excuses b/c come on that has to count for something right?


#1. I'm sick.. I feel like warmed over dog vomit. You know the kind that the dog pukes, eats, then proceeds to puke again? TMI, well that's just to prove that I feel THAT bad. My head is stuffed beyond it's limits with snot. resulting in one of those lovely sinus headaches where you're sure your head will actually explode any moment, yet you are looking forward to it b/c it will actually offer some relief.
#2. Aunt Flo is visiting. Dumb b*tch. Can't she at least leave me alone when I have the cold from hell?
#3. Everyone else in the house has been sick , with me getting it last- probably b/c my poor body is tired and wore down from taking care of them and staying up at nite with the baby who's nose does not want to unclog.. It's a plot.. Wear mom down and then ATTACK with the killer cooties..
#4. I'm just bitchy, what can I say? Colds make this way.

So needless to say when a certain 3yo is supposed to be napping and continously yells :
I need to go PEE!!
(after having just went right before bed)
GET UP AND GO PEE THEN DAMMIT! comes out of my mouth.. ugh.. After peeing is done begins the next phase:

I'm HOT.. HOT. I'm HOT..
OMG take off your blanket if you're hot and quit whining!
(told ya I was a bitch today)

Then we move onto the 2yo.. Who decided once in his bed for naptime that he really didn't want to nap after all. What's this? The child that LOVES his sleep. That naps for 3-4hrs a day?? What demon has possessed my sweet boy? When I go back down to remind him that we shouldnt be yelling in our bed but should be laying down quietly and going to sleep, I find what caused my meltdown.

The boy has stripped his blankets/sheets from his bed and proceeded to somehow poke holes thru the plastic of his crib mattress and RIP pieces of plastic off.. OMG! What would possess you to do such a thing?

I may have screamed just a little bit about how we should NOT destroy our mattresses and how we should be good boys and go to sleep when it's naptime and for God's sake Mommy is sick and grumpy can we please just work with me.. And then I hugged him and cried.. And then he says : Sorry mommy. no cry.. Which of course only makes you cry harder..

I think I need some sleep.. Some NON -head filled with snot sleep.. maybe even a big shot in the butt to knock this stupid cold on its ass? Mother of the Year award is passing me by yet again..

Reason # 41 to always look before you act..

Setting- Drool Prince in a shopping cart w/ lots of bags. Grandma Cowie (don't ask) unloading bags into car..

Drool Prince: uh oh. Finger boo boo.

Gma Cowie: aww, you hurt your finger? Here I'll kiss it.

*kisses said finger & resumes unloading bags into trunk*

Drool Prince : Finger boo boo. FINGER BOO BOO.

Gma Cowie: You hurt your finger again? Let me see..

-Gma Cowie this time actually looks at said finger and realizes two things :

1. Always look before you kiss.

2. Finger boo boo & Finger BOOGER sound very similar in Drool Prince talk.

Can we just say ewwwwwwww.. Better her than me though!

The straw that broke momma's back..

It has been one of those days. Already! It's only 10am and I'm ready to call it quits and go hide under my covers. I suppose the whole sleep deprived thing doesn't help.. ohh yeah and my lovely monthly friend will be coming to visit soon- both of which make me just a tad bit grumpy grumpier.

We have two dogs. Both of whom reside in the kitchen b/c they shed like crazy. Honestly, it's ridiculous how much dog hair I sweep up on a daily basis. Daddy Chaos does not like dog hair on his furniture- thus the banishment to the kitchen. At our past house/previous life, they had a nice big expensive fenced in backyard (that we fenced specifically for them.. Kids, not so much.. dogs YES..)to play in. We moved here and reduced our doggie numbers from 4 down to 2. Hello, we're not that crazy. Four dogs IN Town with a small yard? uhmm no thanks.. So we now live with our ankle biter (chihuahua)- who loves to cuddle and bury herself right up next to your side yet detests all people under 4feet tall, she will make her abhorrence known by sticking her hair up like some kind of freaky desert lizard & growling under her breath- and our lazy wannabe lapdog (choc. lab)- who loves everyone, will allow the kids to crawl all over her, pull her ears (drool prince) and basically just put up with their crap better than I could even do yet she's the biggest scaried cat I've ever met. This dog refuses to be in the house if the dishwasher is running- oohh it's scary.. storms scare the shit (literally) out of her, honestly she has some issues.. So I tell you all this for two reasons. #1 to give you some background on the household pets & #2 (and most important) to make one of the longest run on sentences in the history of this blog.. maybe even others! Woohoo...

So the morning started out, I came up the stairs with the baby (our bedroom is on the lower level while the kitchen/living room/kids rooms are on the main level) and walked into the kitchen to the SMELL.. You cannot mistake this smell for anything other than what it is.. Dog Sh*t.. Nasty- Itriedtoholdit, sorryMommaChaos- Dog sh*t. The dog is embarassed.. She's hanging her head like OMG, I'm so sorry. It was alll over the floor, I could not get to the sink or fridge to even make a bottle.

Naturally, I did what's expected. I woke up the dog walkers (part of their royal duties) and informed them that apparently they didn't do their duty very well last nite at bedtime and someone had an accident.. Could they please go clean it up. Lots of ewwing, a bit of gagging but no complaining because they knew darn well that they should have taken the dogs potty better the nite before.. God, I'm a mean mom. Frankly, if the mess is your fault then you clean it up. At the time, I admit words came out of my mouth that I'm sure the dog will later forgive me for.

At least my kitchen is now mopped and looking good.. The smell is slowly easing it's way out of the house. It's moments like these that I"m ready to be rid of both dogs. We've been contemplating finding a new home for the ankle bitter anyway- she's not a little kid person & although we've had her since a puppy (so small she fit in my pocket) I don't think it's fair to her to be in a house that is full of 3 (up to 5 if we get the other siblings) small people that she detests.. It makes for an unhappy exisitence on her part.

Oh well time will tell I guess.. I have a hard time letting go, even though I know that neither dog really fits well into our new lifestyle (toddlers & babies reigning supreme again), they were once my babies too.

Climbing, bouncing, driving mommy insane..

Why is it that kids always want to do the one thing that they shouldn't? I mean honestly do you think it's a plot against us parents? I'm sure little kids unite and go over what drives their parents insane. I can just imagine them in preschools and daycares plotting the next new thing to try..

Of course that doesn't explain Drool Prince since he goes to neither daycare nor preschool.. My most recent source of irritation is that Droo Prince absolutely refuses to SIT on the couch.. He must climb up and down, stand up , bounce around and just try to give mommy a heart attack in general.. Watching him today reminds me of what the nurse told me prior to his surgery - it should take about a month for him to get 100% back to normal. Uhmm, apparently she's never met MY son.. It's been 1wk since he was released from the hospital and if this is not 100% back to normal, I dont know what is?!

Now to try and spend the rest of the weekend w/o any injuries and we'll be fine! To top it off , I'm getting sick & Drool Prince sounds like Darth Vader.. Don't ask me how it happened, I've been staying home & avoiding any family members that might be sick for the past two weeks. D.Prince's white blood count was elevated before surgery but no sign of sickness so we got to go ahead with it. Now a week later he sounds like poo.. Blah. I hate colds!