The one with the Trauma #Adoption

**Due to scheduling issues - aka blogger hates me at times and likes to leave scheduled posts as drafts - this did not post in November with National Adoption month like it was planned. It's still an important message. **


It's National Adoption month and I felt that maybe this is the time to let this one out. It's not the face that we show of adoption many times.  But it's still a face that's out there.

Let's just start this out and say go here and read this.

Go ahead, I'll wait....

Did you read it ? 


This is the truth that most foster/adoptive parents feel at times.  The lie that you portray because you don't want to admit even to yourself how bad things can be at times.  The lie that makes everything look hunky dory when in reality you are questioning every decision you've ever made.

I'm not saying that every single foster/adoptive situation is like this.  Some will make the adjustment and coast along and have a grand ole time.   But sometimes, the trauma is too much to let go and put in the past.  Sometimes, it rears it's ugly had over and over again.    Sometimes, it makes you question everything despite the love.

I think we were fairly lucky - 3 out of 4 of our adopted kiddos escaped with the bare minimum of trauma from their pasts.  One was just not so lucky.  His situation is not unique, I believe it's more on how his brain has chosen to deal with the trauma he was dealt.  Some are able to shrug it off or bury it deep within themselves and move on to be happy, healthy individuals.  Some wear it like a badge and you know constantly the trauma that they deal with.  Still others, like ours- take it and tuck it into their pockets.  They walk around like 'normal' and life is a happy , well-adjusted place ... until it's not. They grab that trauma out of their pockets and all hell breaks loose.   This, to me, is the worst kind of trauma to deal with.  You never know what might trigger the meltdowns, the anger, the hatred.  You never know if you will have your loving happy family or one where one child repeatedly causes issues with every single family member.   So you sit and you wait... you wait for the shoe to drop, for your beloved perfect child to turn into the angry hateful resentful child for whom you can do no right.

I wish I could explain to you what causes the trauma and why it affects each child so differently.  3 of my children came home to me from the hospital, they have been with me their entire lives. 1 was tossed from drug house to drug house, subjected to unspeakable things and finally found her way to me at age 5.5. If she were my traumatized kid, I would well understand it.  I am thankful and surprised daily at how well she has adjusted into a normal happy tween.   Instead it is one of the 3 that came to me at birth.  Do I understand some of his issues?  Certainly !! Lots of hospital stays (despite the fact I was always beside him) can cause trauma, prenatal drug exposure is proven to cause trauma (rejection), and a birth mother who repeatedly showed favoritism to one child over the other (abandonment issues).  So can I understand why he has trauma? Yes, but it doesn't help us deal with it. Does this change how I feel about it? Do I regret adopting him??  Absolutely not.  All of my children are MY babies. Whether I birthed them or not, I love them the same.  Some just like to test those bonds a little more :)

This month we celebrate the Adoption Day anniversary of  Dimples & Fishing Pole.  I am thankful each and every day to have them in my life. .

Good Mom or Bad Mom?

Being a good mother is something I think we all strive to be. With some kids, it's easy.  They are people pleasers and always try to do whatever it is to make you happy.  I was one of those kids and I have one of those kids.   With others, it's not so easy.

Do I think I am a good mother?  Yes, and no.  I am a good mother to 5 out of  6 of my kids.  I have 1 kid who maybe I am not the best mother for him, but I am the mother that he got. This one knows how to push every single button that I possess and knows how to make me angry in 2 seconds flat. Is it his fault? Is it mine?  I think we both share that responsibility but he's a child so it falls to me.  Does that make it any easier to parent him?  No.  I love him to bits and pieces but that love doesn't make it easier to deal with certain behaviors.

I am not the slightest bit surprised that I was yelled at this morning:

I don't like you at all! You are a mean awful mom.

That's okay. You don't have to like me. I still love you even when I'm angry with your behaviors.

Well I don't love you!  You are the worst mom ever!

 Now here we are an hour later and he's wanting to show me his drawings. So yeah, I know his words were in anger and it's typical for a kid to lash out.  I've already heard the dreaded "I wish you had never adopted me!" as well.

Knowing that a lot of behaviors are impulses that he can't control (oh please new ADHD meds, please work!) and he realizes later that it was a bad choice and some times a dangerous choice (lighting things on fire in his room - not the best choice).  While we deal with each behavior as it happens, I feel many times like I am always yelling.  I'm sure he feels the same way.

As a mom to 6 kids, always yelling seems pretty typical. Someone is probably misbehaving at one point, but sadly in my house it's the 1 kid 90% of the time.  Sure I try to pick my battles but with a kid who never learns from his mistakes but does the same thing over and over, it's getting more and more difficult.

Am I a good mom?  Sometimes.


*I wrote this two weeks ago and never hit publish for some reason.  Bad blogger. lol*

Catching up- November..

Holy Cow.  Here we are, the month is almost over and I have only posted here ONCE!

I could give you excuses and tell you that my intentions were good.. but we all know the sayings that go with both of those.   I will just blame the internet who has been horribly slow so by the time I get my "work" done (read - Review Blog post), I am so frustrated with my internet that I want to throw my keyboard across the room.


You've missed a ton so let me try to recap as quickly and painlessly as I can.

1.  Lots going on over at the surrogacy blog .. I've finally got that updated.

2.  We all know that Drama Queen is going to college next year.. We did lots of visits (read: 2, but it seems like much more considering it's 3hours away) and she has 100% chosen the college she wants to attend.  From the way things have been lately,  I think we'll be seeing a lot of her despite her distance from home.. You see, her college of choice is literally right next door to the Children's hospital (it's technically on the campus).  So every visit we make down there will also equal a SUPRISE !  Momma's here to visit!

3.  I don't think I've mentioned that Attitude King (15 & currently a sophomore) was invited to go view an academy in our state that sits on a college campus. I'm not going to say too much right now so I don't jinx him.. But he has 14 essays to write and everyone keep your fingers crossed that he gets in because this is an amazing opportunity for him!

4. Fishing Pole has been having some medical things crop up.  We have a slew of new appointments coming up in the coming months to try to figure things out for him. Some heart, some urology and some neurosurgery..

5.   I normally always talk about November being National Adoption month but somehow November slipped away from me.   My quick and to the point message this month-  Adopt from foster care !  We have so many children in foster care in the United States that need loving homes.  YOU can be the one to provide it!

Lastly and most importantly - 

Nov. 19th was the third anniversary of the Boys' adoption day.

I love them so much.. 

Even when they are being complete boogers.

A vent. #fostercare

It has been a good long while since I've talked about the drama that is foster care.  Beware- this post will most likely turn into a giant vent and  I cannot be held responsible for the word that may come out of my fingers.. If you are not a foster parent or have never dealt with DCS, you might just want to go wander somewhere else.. Here- go look at my mail goodies..


Alright- foster parents still reading?

Brief recap--

Spoiled Princess & Southern Darlin' are full siblings ( same bmom, same bdad).

They have 2 half siblings courtesy of bio-dad & his new wife.  Those half brothers were taken into care at birth and given adopted by another foster family (despite our attempts at getting them placed with us so the sibs could be together).  I don't worry about the boys, they are adopted into a seemingly fit family and that family wanted absolutely no contact.
They have 2 half siblings courtesy of bio-mom and new boyfriends.   These half sibs are still with bio-mom, or where ever she chooses to leave them.  DCS is not involved..   Due to bmom's criminal record, mental health issues and drug use- the Big State where we adopted Southern Darlin' from was more than a little concerned that our home state's DCS was not involved.  But what can you do?

Today's post vent is all about bmom..

Bmom and I had contact for a while.  She had supposedly cleaned up and was doing well.  One thing lead to another and she fell off the wagon and we lost contact.  Prior to that time, I happened to come in contact with her at-the-time husband's mother. Let's call her "Gma D".  

Gma D has been a blessing.  Although I have never met Bmom's younger girls (K & D) , I have always worried about them.  After all, they are my daughter's siblings.  In the same way that I worried about Southern Darlin' long before I'd ever met her, I loved her upon knowing of her existence simply due to her being Spoiled Princess' sister.   Gma D has kept me occasionally updated with pictures and how the younger girls are doing.  It is much more than I could ever hope for.   A few times a year, we email pictures of our respective girls back and forth and send updates.  Gma D & I both wish that my girls & the little girls could have some sort of contact but it's not something that can be worked out at this time.

So the other day, out of the blue I received a text from Gma D.   Bmom is back in jail.  Now I used to be pretty diligent on keeping track of both sets of kids bparents and their jail activity.  In the recent past, I gave up.  They do not want contact with me and the kids, and I am tired of tracking them thru prison websites.  Do I wish things would change? Absolutely!  I loved being able to have contact with the bparents but it's not something I can force and I'm tired of being the one to do all the work.   So ,anyway, back to my point.. lol.  Gma D let me know that Bmom was back in jail - she had one of the little girls and the other is with another family member.. It's sad that they were split up just because they have different dads :(   Immediately I looked it up on my trusty criminal websites and boom there she is - back in jail for possession.  Not a big surprise but still that little hope that maybe she'll get and stay clean is extinguished.

And then the bomb is dropped.  Bmom is pregnant.. again.  The girls will have a new 1/2 sibling out there floating around only God knows where.  According to Gma D, DCS won't do anything and knowing the county (corrupt city) she's in, I don't doubt it one bit.   My heart aches again for another baby who will be neglected by the system that is supposed to protect him.

All this drama makes me tired.   I guess I should be happy that my kids are safe and happy but it's hard not to worry about their siblings.

Foster care sucks sometimes.

30 Days of Gratitude- Day 19 #Adoption

One year ago...

It snuck up on me.  

These anniversaries tend to for some reason. 

Not that they aren't special and I don't thank my lucky stars every day but my life , their lives are more than a court date.

One year ago today, we finally completed the adoption of Fishing Pole & Dimples.

It was a very long road fraught (I've always wanted to use the word fraught) with ups and downs worse than any roller coaster I've ever been on.  But then end result is what matters.  They are mine.  Forever and ever.  


Today I am thankful  for many things. Fishing Pole & Dimples have been mine in my heart since the moment I first met them. No court date will ever change that. Still,  I am thankful that although today only represents a legal court date- those boys are MINE and no one can ever take them away.   I am thankful for the joy they bring into our lives each and every day.  I am thankful for no more forced visits, no more caseworkers to deal with, no more bureaucratic B.S. to have to try to swallow.  It's over, our family is complete and that is something I will celebrate each and every day.


Today is National Adoption Day.  Did you know that there are HALF A MILLION children in foster care right now?  HALF a MILLION !  There are somewhere around 118,000 available for adoption.  Waiting for a family.  Put yourselves in their shoes.  Legal orphans, waiting for someone to step and and say YES, you are MINE. I will love you forever, no  matter what!!   Do you have it in your heart?  Please take the step.  Reach out and hold a little hand who so desperately needs their very own loving family.


                   xoxo,

Lumpy

Conversation between Drool Prince  Fishing Pole (argh, I'm still getting used to the new fake name) & I while watching tv today :

Fishing Pole :  Lumpy is adopted too!

Me: He is? You adopted him?

Fishing Pole : Yep!  That means he has a pacemaker too..

uhmm, I think we need to revisit the adoption conversation.  And can someone please come teach TheToddler to quit pelting his siblings with whatever toy he can possibly find and then run away laughing evilly??

                   xoxo,

Adoption Day is finally here!

November is National Adoption Month.  Did you know?  My life has revolved around foster care for the past 6yrs and so it seems to me like everyone should already know all about it.  More than 114,000 foster children are available for adoption right now.   I've adopted my 4 and done my part. Your turn :)

As you know, the much anticipated adoption of Drool Prince & TheToddler has finally occurred! Sure it took 4½ & 2½ yrs but it's over and done with at last.   No more dealing with DCS, no more asking permission to go out of state, no more asking permission for Anything.  Loving it!

It's time to relive it - with pics. Be warned, there will be LOTs of pics..  Also be warned that some are taken w/ my phone which seemed to take craptastic pics that day even though it normally takes awesome ones.. Go figure.

~*~*~*~*~*~

First things first, The Toddler needed to get his hair did. You see the boy has awesome hair.  Great curls that I love but cannot control.  I can get his hair to look completely fab for about 3hrs and then it starts frizzing out.  We've grown it out (and boy does it grow like a weed) because I wanted to do some braids. Ok, ok.. I didn't want to do braids.  I wanted to get braids done. My fingers don't do the work quite so well, at least not when dealing with the sheer volume of hair these boys seem to come up with.

So a few days before adoption, I took him and got his hair braided.

He did not like it.

In fact, he protested quite a bit.

Thankfully our new stylist did not mind a bit and she did a pretty awesome job!

Cute, ain't he?

As adoption day loomed closer there were a few last minute snags.. We elected to ignore the slap in the face that was given during subsidy negotiations (more on this later because I tend to open my mouth when I should shut it) we accepted it and were able to move forward.. Nothing like being "threatened" with removal two days prior to adoption though..

Finally the day had arrived.. We got up super early as our adoption was set for 8:30in the morning.. Ugh.. We showed up and waited..  Waited for DCS to make their appearance (even though they ended up having no part in the adoption, still scratching my head over why they had to be there)..

That's Cowie sitting there w/ the kids :)

TheToddler was in a bit of a "mood"

Almost time!!

Southern Darlin' absolutely refused to smile. Poor thing, she was terrified to be in court.  Our best guess is that she was afraid we were returning her since the last time she'd been in a similar room was when we finalized her adoption.  It was sad to see her so scared.

closest thing to a smile we could get out of her.

Daddy Chaos made sure to tell her that we will Never Ever go to a courthouse Ever again so she just had to get thru this and we'd all go home..

Cowie was sure to pip up "until they call you with those newborn twin girls" since she knows it's my not-so-secret desire.

Drama Queen, not to be outdone, pipped in and said "We wont' be in court again until I'm here for juvie." Silly girl, doesn't she know that she doesn't look good in stripes?

Finally everyone arrived and we proceeded with the adoption!  Drool Prince wanted to be asked questions so our atty asked how old he was, did he want to be adopted & what his name was.  He planned on saying that he wanted his name to be "newfirstname newmiddlename 'Fishing Pole' ourlastname" so our atty prepared the judge ahead of time.  But when it came down to it, he chickened out and just said newmiddlename (which is what he will go by). When asked again he spelled his name.. lol. That definitely got a chuckle from all involved.  I do believe we will change his name to FishingPole on the blog though, only seems fair that he gets it somewhere after all that thought he put into it. lol.

He insisted on sitting in the judge's chair since we did it at Southern Darlin's adoption lol

Our completed family w/the Judge involved in 3 of the 4 cases!

Cowie with the boys, no longer her CASA kids.. now just her 'grandkids'

Once the adoption was finalized and we had gathered our shiny new adoption decrees, we headed out to breakfast because we were all starved. 8:30 in the AM at a courthouse 30+mins away from me plus 6kids to get ready = we didn't eat beforehand.  Sure I threw some dry cereal at the kids on the way but that doesn't count in anyone's book.

So breakfast was had by all. We had some other friends/family join us.. GmaH & Gpa J as well as WishyWashy and BabyMM came along :)   I had planned on doing some family pics after breakfast but I didn't plan for Drool Prince Fishing Pole to wear most of his breakfast vs eating it..  Or for TheToddler to decide to save up and soak his clothes completely with urine 15mins after I changed a diaper.  Fun times.. fun times..  So the only post adoption pics are the ones from breakfast..

Momma, TheToddler, 'FishingPole' & Daddy

Sisters plus Baby MM

After breakfast we went to visit TheToddler's fiance and change clothes.. Then off to the movies to see Drool Prince's  Fishing Pole's (that's gonna take some getting used to) choice of movies - MegaMind !

Obviously it was a long day.. 

And now it's over.  I don't feel the least bit different than I did last month or last year.. They've always been my boys. The only difference now is that everyone else has to call them by their new names.. Of our four adoptions, these two were the longest awaited ones.  I do have a sense of relief , a weight lifted that no one can take them ever again. 

Drool Prince Fishing Pole has been waiting a long time for this and happily tells everyone he sees that he is finally 'dopted!!  He then proceeds to tell them that they have to call him NewName and no one is ever allowed to call him OldName again!  Yes, sweetie- you are 100% right!

Xoxo,

Monday Randomness

First, the most important thing..

Let me introduce you to my two new SONS!!

Yes, my dears.. The adoption was finalized on Nov. 19th.  AT LAST!!  Mine! Mine! All Mine!! :)  TheToddler got his hair did.. All braided prettiness. Although Gma Chaos claims it makes him look like a girl, I love it.  He, however, screamed the entire time. Little turd. Anyhoo... I'm going to do another post on the actual adoption (with pics!) and all the drama that led up to it - because we all know my life is not mine w/o drama every second.. ugh!  The important thing is that it's over and the boys are officially "Chaoses" now.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Cpap is crap.

I absolutely abhor this machine. 

We have been trying it at nap times and bedtime for a month now.

TheToddler is supposed to wear it any time he sleeps. Period. 

 

He wears his mask just fine.  Yay. 

However, once you hook it up to the machine he Fuh-Reaks out!!

So now I put him to sleep first and slowly ease it on.  

He'll tolerate it for a while but he won't tolerate a high enough rate (it slowly ramps up) to stop his apnea episodes and so he wakes up and then goes into 100% panic mode and rips it off his face screaming.

I hate it!!

I feel like this big meanie monster making him wear it knowing he's going to wake up and freak out.. Plus then he won't go back to sleep.  UGH!  Naps that used to be 2-3 hrs are now 45mins max.  And then we have crazy boy to contend with until bedtime when we get to start all over again.

Yeah, it's fun. 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

We are on Day 13 of TheToddler wearing the event monitor to discover what is going on with his little heart.   Yet another piece of technology that I both love and loathe at the same time.  After having it go off 20+ times one day, I finally gave in and called Nurse Heart to see if she could give me some kind of heads up on what was going on.  

No such luck.  Instead I was told that Dr Heart is viewing the readings three times a day and if she saw something "life threatening emergency" then she'd have called me. Ok, fine. Still something is going on.  It looks like we'll have to wait til the month's up to find out what it is. Blah! 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Who watched the #AMAs?  I rarely watch these things because Daddy Chaos just doesn't have the patience for it.  But Twitter was all a buzz with #AMAs and it drew me in. 

First and foremost-  

Bon Jovi?  Totally on my bucket list.   I have never been to a single concert. any concert. Ever.   I really want to do a Bon Jovi one.. one of these days. 

Pink- Raise your glass.   I love Pink. I love most all her music.  Heck I even like this song but every. single. time. she says "Why so serious"  Heath Ledger pops into my head.

Photo Credit

I'm still sad that he's gone and we'll get no more movies with his adorable face & voice.  And heck we didn't really even get to see/hear his adorableness (is too a word) as the Joker because it was covered w/makeup and he was kinda evil.. Which sounds completely selfish, so yes I'm sad that he's gone =period. Not just for my own benefit.   So, Pink- thanks for the great song but not for the reminder.

Marry Me by Train- worth watching just for this.  I am so in love with this song right now. Yeah, I know it makes me a sappy little girl but there you have it.  If I were going to I Still Do and renewing my vows- I'd totally have this song playing.  #iadmitImsappy  Alas, I'm not going unless a money and babysitting fairy were to arrive on my doorstep.. But I will play along vicariously thru twitter.

Taylor Swift - Don't ask what draws me to her.. She's my secret embarrassment.  The one that as a Mom, I don't normally admit to listening to or at least claim I only listen to her because my 14yr old does.   In reality, my 14yr old is more embarrassed that I have the nerve to like Usher and Eminem.  How Dare I?  geez!

And really my peeps, that is all that mattered on the #AMAs.

~*~*~*~*~*~

In case you were wondering, during the course of writing this post- TheToddler woke up from his cpap and ripped it off screaming.  Yet another cpap #fail. 

                      xoxo,

Sick kid, Vengeful uterus & surprises

There are days like today when I really don't appreciate being a girl.  I have sit down to pee, shave my legs like All.The.Time, and periods- let's really not even get into that mess. 

Sure, there are perks.   I can create and nourish life. I can grow an entire human being from tiny cells into a full fledged real live person.  Yeah, that's pretty cool.. I can even feed said created human with my own body. No tools needed!  No assembly required.  Awesome, right!?

But then there are days when my uterus declares war on me   and it's just not fair.  My human factory days are over so you'd think there'd be some sympathy from within.  Sadly, no.

Today, I hate being a girl.

*****

In other news,  Attitude King is home sick with a "tummy ache".  Normally I don't fall for such things without evidence (preferably in the toilet not on the floor, bed or anywhere except the toilet because by now we all know Momma don't clean puke), but my uterus made me sympathetic.  Someone else in pain with me? Awesome!  Plus he was a bit pale.    

Honestly, he probably wanted to skip school to read a new book that just came yesterday. 

Mean Momma that I am, I confiscated said book until his cooties are gone.  Just in case. 

Besides, he was pale.  That counts right? 

*****

Have I mentioned that we have a new adoption atty?!  Yay!  We met with her last week and then she met with our CW and DCS atty early this week.  The adoption petition has been filed!  Woot! 

We don't have a date yet but we're still hoping for mid- November.  Let's just keep all our fingers and toes crossed that everything comes thru.  Apparently DCS still has tons to do in order for these adoptions to go thru and as usual, they are dragging hiney. 

*****

G'ma Chaos' birthday is next week.  I happened to have an opportunity present itself that was absolutely perfect for her birthday.. Even better- it was on her birthday!  So I snatched it up and now G'ma & G'pa Chaos along with Daddy Chaos & I are heading to the big city to celebrate her bday.   

It's such fun right now!  No one is telling her what is going on, other than we are going to the big city.   I get updates daily from G'pa Chaos  on how he hasn't told her anything and he giggles as he reports her trying to get him to give hints and he claims to know nothing.. He's good, really good..   I also get phone calls daily from G'ma Chaos trying to fish little bits of information out of me.. I can tell it's absolutely killing her which makes it all the better for me :)     I am not a good gift giver.  If you're not one of my kids, don't expect me to have a clue what to get you. It's just who I am.  But this time.. THIS gift (albeit free to me) is gonna Rock! 

I promise to come back and tell you all about it later but I can't trust my own mother not to sneak on here and try to figure out her gift.  She doesn't normally read my blog, heck I'm not even sure if she knows it exists.. But I wouldn't put it past her since she's desperate to figure out the secret.  Hi Mom!! 

A wind of change

is blowing thru the Kingdom of Chaos..  I've been pushed around back and forth- happy, sad.. all over the place.. I'll try to condense it into one quick post but you know my love for blab...

By now, you know I'm never happy with one thing for long.. I like change, variety ...yet comfort in the familiar.. I'm a mass of contradictions what can I say.

Things are hopping around here lately.

Big news is that BabyMama signed off her rights on The Toddler.  Bad news is that it's not official until next month sometime because DCS is slow to getting a court date.  I honestly don't believe she would change her mind because it was a HUGE step for her to be able to do this.. Still the wait is agonizing.   So now we are still waiting on the caseworker to not only get the adoption paperwork around for Drool Prince, but now also The Toddler..

We did get to fill out the adoption subsidy paperwork again [ugh- new forms = redoing it..]. One new thing on the forms was that it asks for their new legal name after adoption.. Drool Prince's name has been set for almost 2yrs [since TPR].. It's the name he knows, the name he gives everyone.. it's just him.   The Toddler's middle name , the one he'll go by, has been set for quite some time.. Daddy Chaos and I went back and forth.. back and forth on a first name until finally he gave in on one of my few select names..  So we've called The Toddler by that name since prior to the failed TPR.  Only now.. now I had to write it on an official document.  I suddenly got cold feet.. Maybe it should be one of those other names. Maybe I selfishly pushed Daddy Chaos into chosing a name that I liked and should have let him have one he liked better?  I was willing to change last minute..  Daddy Chaos, on the other hand, says no.. He has become this name.. So for the past week or so I've went around testing various other names and Daddy Chaos just shakes his head at me.. I'm fickle..  Maybe my baby won't want to be named for a hot body actor.. But then again, this boy is gonna be smooooth so I suppose the name fits.  Regardless, I've written their new names down on that official document and handed it in.. It gives me shivers to finally have it on paper.. Adoptions- let's go!!!

Bad news is that in yet another routine pacemaker check it was discovered that Drool Prince's pacemaker is yet again not working properly.. I admit, I can normally handle his various problems and surgeries without batting an eye.. because I'm ready for them.. This time we did a phone check, the tech said everything sounded good and offered no sage advice like "wait by the phone, the dr will be calling you" to give me warning..

An hour later Dr Heart's nurse called me... She told me her name and I immediately said "Oh Shit!".  She then told me that they had just received Drool Prince's phone transmission and I immediately interrupted with "something's wrong?!" and then promptly started crying.  I need a build up. I need an hours warning where I can worry- sure, I'll worry but I can also prepare..  So we packed an overnight bag & Daddy,Drool & I headed down to the Children's hospital.

It's funny how you can check in at the ER behind a 3day old baby who's Mom calmly states he's having seizures and aspirating [who can be calm about that?! ack! Immediately it made me wonder if she was a foster parent vs the biological mom to have absolutely no reaction but Daddy Chaos thought perhaps the baby had seizures from birth or there was a family history.. regardless it was odd] and just mention that cardio asked you to get here and that your son's pacemaker is not functioning properly.  It's amazing how quickly they scoop you up and take you to a room. We barely had time to sit down when they were out there taking us to our room- ahead of the seizure baby. That was the end to the quickness..

Hours in the ER room.. We saw 4 drs, 1 xray tech & 1 ekg tech  each one who would walk into the room and ask Drool Prince his name.. To which he would say Drool Prince Chaos.  They would look at their chart quickly and then look @ us like oh crap are we in the wrong room?? Then I'd have to quickly assure them that no it's fine.. Boy1 Old Name is his legal name but we are in the process of adopting and he goes by his new name.. Finally one of the drs wrote in his chart to call him Drool and all was well.

In the end, the xray appeared clear.. No lead broken in two like last time.  However, the lead is not functioning properly. The very nice Dr [Dr Ho-Ho (minus a Ho) -- who gave me a giggle every single time I had to say his name.. giggling at this point was hard to come by so I'm relieved I was blessed with a Dr who had a funny name.] explained things well to us. There could be a micro fracture that you can't even see on an xray [possible from a kink as they coil the lead up inside and it slowly uncoils as the kid grows, sometimes it kinks] or it could be scar tissue on his heart where the lead is sutured on causing the interference.  Regardless of the reason, he was able to turn up the settings enough to make the lead work.. for now.  Voltage was upped from 5 to 7.5, sensitivity & pulse length were turned all the way up [1].  We were then asked to spend the nite for observation.

The next day we got to see our normal Dr.   Dr.Heart did another pacemaker check and agreed with Dr Ho-Ho (minus a Ho) [ha, see I still giggle even typing it] that the lead was still working with those settings.  She was willing to go ahead and put us on the surgery schedule now but because Drool Prince isn't dependent on his pacemaker she was willing to also let us wait it out until we really needed it.. The next surgery is going to be more in depth than the last because Dr Heart agrees that having surgery every darn year for a lead issue is just too much.. We need to move the pacemaker farther up under his ribs for hopefully better protection, but alas this means cutting open his ribs somehow..ugh.  So after some deliberation, we decided to wait on the surgery until it's absolutely necessary.

It may be a few weeks or a few months but surgery is looming in our future.. It's completely unfair to Drool Prince.. He's been thru so much and to have to undergo yet another surgery.. "It's not fair!" to coin Attitude King's favorite phrase.  But we'll get thru it.

Good but mostly insignificant news is that yet again I have changed my hair..  See I told you I was never happy with anything for long.  I liked my last hair cut.. It was cute, it worked but wasn't difficult.. I was happy with it but I craved a change. I'm weird like that.. Never leave anything alone for long.. Daddy Chaos says it's because I'm looney.. I say it's because I'm adventurous..  I like my way better.

So with no further ado,  the before picture :

Ok, so you see what I mean? It's nice. It's comfortable. I may be a natural brunette but I prefer blonde and sometimes with a little red thrown in. I took three different pictures into my hair appt with me.. Not really sure which I'd choose and in the end I did as I always did and let my stylist [ohh that sounds fancy doesn't it?] decide.

The After pictures :

Immediately after I got it cut, I went to the playroom [our hair salon has a playroom for the kids- how cool is that?] to show the kids..
I heard lots of "Ohh Mommy!! That's pretty"

" I like it!"

"Mommy, you cut your hair off!"

And then Drool Prince says "Mommy, I love your hair.. but now we will lose you at the store!"    ha! Poor kid, I look so different to him apparently I could just slip away in the store never to be seen again.. LoL


So far people are either loving it or hating it.. It's been a LONG time since I've been dark or had bangs [ack] and it's a tad bit shorter than I was going for [Alice Cullen from Eclipse] but it works for me. It gives me something to play with and it's new and different.  Who knows, I might go less red and more dark next time if I'm really brave!

And that is where I think I shall end today's installment of Life @ Chateau de Chaos [ ha don't you love the mixture of languages there?].. If you made it this far, you win a gold star! 

To #1 of 4

Four years ago today, our lives changed yet again. 

That little bug that wormed her way into our hearts seventeen months earlier when I arrived home from the hospital with her was officially a legal part of our family..

Forever. 

From early on, I would tell Spoiled Princess the story of her birth.. 

Once upon a time, a beautiful little baby girl was born in the hospital.

A princess baby girl, right mommy?

A princess baby girl.. Once upon a time, a beautiful Princess  baby girl was born in the hospital.  She needed a mommy and daddy who could take care of her and love her. 

So the dr called YOU , right mommy?

So the hospital called me and said "Do you want a pretty little princess baby to take care of?: and I said ...

You said OF COURSE!

I said Of course!  Mommy & Daddy didn't have any baby things anymore because Drama Queen & Attitude King were bigger.. So we got to go shopping and buy all the fun baby things. We bought a cradle and diapers and wipes and..

bottles and pacis!!

and bottles and pacis and a carseat.. Then Mommy went to the hospital and got to hold this special baby.. And play with her.. and dress her.. and snuggle with her..  Then I put her in the carseat and tucked her in and took her home..  Once we got home, I handed her to Daddy and he..

hogged her the rest of the nite..

 And he held her and hogged that baby the rest of the nite..  And that little Princess baby was..

me !! Princess "  Spoiled Princess"

 It was you!! 

I've added to it a bit more as she's gotten older but that was our initial story..  We talk about how she and Southern Darlin' came from the same tummy.. and how that Mama couldn't take care of her (Southern Darlin' usually pops in and says how she was mean to her & went to jail) so she came to live with us.  We talk about what a forever family is but to her it's natural.  She's always been here, unlike Southern Darlin' and doesn't know any different. Adoption is a normal part of her life and won't shock her later in life.  Everyone has their own ways of dealing with adopting and telling their kids, this was ours.. Let them know the truth from the beginning and it will seem normal.  Some prefer to wait until the kids are older or not tell at all.. To each their own.

Today to celebrate her Adoption Day, she chose french toast for breakfast..  Drama Queen pampered her and did her hair.. We had planned on going swimming or to the movies (per her request) but Daddy Chaos' back is just not up to it yet.. So we are planning a swimming day later in the week and are going to go see Toy Story 3 when it comes out (yay!)..  Since nothing else worked out, we did manage to sneak out of the house for some special Momma, Daddy & Spoiled Princess time this afternoon while the others napped..

Princess at heart but eats ice cream like a little piggy.. 

She did not appreciate Momma calling her Princess Piggy..

There's my baby.. She's growing up fast..

 

 

The year of ME..

A friend on Facebook announced earlier this year that she claimed this as the year of her.. Instead of putting herself last, as many of us moms do, she was doing stuff for HER.. From the big things~ trip to Disney sans kids to the little ones~ a mani & pedi.   I decided to follow suit.. This year I turned double digits.. That little number between 2 & 4.. I have two of those now!   Three has always been a lucky number for me so TWO of them, it has to be special right?   So I announce the Year of Momma Chaos!

As I'm sure I've mentioned in the past, I have a hard time spending money on myself.. I'll spend my last penny on any of the kids, Daddy Chaos or heck even the family dog.. But I don't buy myself anything unless it is direly needed and even then it's at Daddy Chaos' insistence.  So I'm pretty proud of my accomplishments so far.. The only bad thing is that I might get addicted & watch out world, I think I'll need a job- or a blog daddy (if there is such a thing).

Accomplishments so far :

1. New hair color - now I've done hair color before, but I am vowing to keep up with the color this time. Normally I get colored once or twice a year and I have regrowth in 2months.. lol.

2. New Phone- I have teased Daddy Chaos that I was soo behind times not having an iPhone like all the other Bloggy/Twitter mommas.. Geez.. The next thing I knew we were at the store, not only buying a new phone but upgrading my package so I can do internet stuff on the phone.

3. New Clothes-  1pair of jeans (I now have 2pair.. ok well my old pair may have a small hole worn in the thigh but if you notice it, obviously you're looking a little too close and BACK OFF) , 6 new shirts- yes I said it SIX, that's more than I normally buy in like 3yrs!, and a dress (for Southern Darlin's adoption, but still..work with me)

4. New sandals-  I was shopping with Cowie, who I think will probably never want to shoe shop with me again,  and finally found a new pair of flip flops I liked.. They are super comfy but in my eyes super expensive.. $35 on sale WITH a coupon.. These are SANDALS people.. Agh, the pain this caused me.. But I gave in and bought them.. Boy do I love them. Added bonus that they are the "tone ups" so just walking around in them is a workout.. Bonus points, I'll totally lose like 50lbs just wearing the flip flops.. (I can dream right?)

5. A NEWER phone- I kept my new phone for less than 30days.. Daddy Chaos played with it once & said it was too slow on the 'net.. So I immediately told him we needed to get the brand new-just came out today- phone.. Preorder it, I did.. New phone is charging.. I think I'm gonna LOVE it.

6. Vera Bradley.... Tomorrow I am doing something that I have very rarely did in my 15yrs of parenting.. I'm going out on a GIRLS day with not a single of my little ones.  I'm heading out with Cowie & two other friends to the Vera Bradley OUTLET sale..  Can we say excited?? Not to worry, I think I'll probably buy too much and then put it on ebay, you all can just buy from me right? ha.  And now that my newer phone is in- once it's charged I can get it rollin again & will post pics of the sale via twitter & probably post about it over the weekend on here ;) Cuz I dont want you to miss it!
The year of ME is going well so far.. I may need a sponsor soon though :)   Disney!! Are you reading??  I need you now!  Or heck VEGAS would be good too :)

In other news,  you will not guess what came in the mail today?  A mere 20days after the adoption finalization we have already received the new Birth Certificate!! Wowsers! Considering the State Far Far Away had to contact our state (Southern Darlin' was born here) to get a new birth certificate, which was then sent back to the Far Far Away State & then forwarded to us via our atty.. I'm pretty impressed!  those of you that have adopted and gotten new birth certificates- answer me this.. I'm fairly certain that on Spoiled Princess' birth certificate it has us listed as parents but the date filed was changed to a date after her adoption (around 18months old). Southern Darlin's birth certificate however, has a date filed of Jan 7, 2004.. YEARS before we even met her.. Now I have an issue with the whole "new birth certificate" thing anyway.. It seems odd to me that rather than alter it and put us as adoptive parents, they make it seem like we are the biological parents.. But to actually have the birth certificate supposedly filed years before we even met our daughter just seems beyond wrong..  So what does yours say?? Is it filed after the adoption or also like SD's  and filed shortly after the birth?

I have an awesome review coming up -as soon as I can get the darn camera to work- so any special needs or medical mommas keep you eyes out!!

The Adoption of Southern Darlin'

Once upon a time, many years ago.. a new baby came into the Kingdom of Chaos.  She was loved instantly and became one of our own.  From that day forward, we also gained a worry.. Worry of this innocent baby's big sister..  The sister that our county failed by not taking her into custody at the same time.  Oh the things they could have spared her by taking her at 12months old.. For years we worried about her safety, followed her county to county by DCS reports but alas no one took that little one into care and saved her from the life she had to live.  Eventually we lost track of her & only by pure stupid luck did we find out that she was finally in custody, alas in a state Far Far Away.  Thus begins our journey to bringing Southern Darlin' home.

Months and months of harassing the caseworkers in the Far Far Away state finally resulted in us being chosen as her adoptive family.  Delay after delay and it was 15months after finding out she was in care (almost a year into her being in custody) before she was finally moved to our home. Months more to wait out the "make sure you can take it" waiting period before we could finalize the adoption.  Which brings us to today's story..  The story of Southern Darlin's finalization....  Sit back and get comfy because I have a feeling it's going to be a long one!

Ya'll might remember that we had to travel back to the Far Far Away state because my state was being buttheads (sorry but it's just true, no other way to put it).  Daddy Chaos has no vacation time so this was time off work w/o pay and we wanted to make it a quick trip vs a full vacation.  It was decided that we'd leave bright and early (read: before normal people are ready to be awake because HELLO it's still dark out) on Weds and drive Straight.Thru.   Yes you read that right.. 20hrs (with stops) straight thru.  And we made it alive!!   In all honesty, I do have to praise the kids.  They were absolutely wonderful for the trip! The only "are we there yet?"  I even heard was from a certain oldest child of mine who decided it was great fun to sit right behind me and text me constantly vs actually speak.  ARGH!  The oldest boy was entertained by his DS & books.. Lil girls were happy with their leapsters & coloring & naps.. Middle boy did leapster, movies & naps.. Lil boy.. well he wasn't too thrilled but he made do.  We stopped ALOT to get everyone out and moving.. The baby just did not like being in his carseat but who can blame him?    It made everyone absolutely thrilled when we stopped here for lunch.  Go ahead, click the link (hello, it's my review).. I'll wait..  ... ....

Done?  Ok, where was I.. Oh yes, we stopped @ the place where they throw ROLLs at you. The kids thought it was highly entertaining.. And then we went on.. and on.. and on.. Til we finally got there!  We planned our arrival so we'd have an entire day off to get everyone ungrouchy from the long trip before taking them to a courthouse and expecting them to act halfway human.  Good news is that it worked!

The day of finalization finally arrived.  We were told to show up at the court house 30mins early because Southern Darlin's  GAL (guardian ad litem ) wanted to meet with us before the hearing.  We agreed but all along was thinking , uhmm ok what does it matter at this point?!  So I did what most do.. I googled the directions on my GPS on my phone.. *ahem*  We did get there, eventually.

Thankfully the courthouse was pretty empty and had this huge waiting area outside where the kids proceeded to skip and twirl and play while waiting on our turn.

Southern Darlin'

Spoiled Princess

Posing for pics :)

The GAL wanted pictures of all the kids (which I have but can't share- darn my state and their slow ways), pics of her sitting with the kids, pics of me sitting with the girls..

yeah, we're looking at the GALs camera instead

 of my camera being wielded by Drama Queen..

The kids finally tired of playing train, spinning in circles and getting drinks of water from the water fountain.. Eventually they sat like good little ducks on the bench and waited.. Swinging legs to and fro..

At last,  it was time to go in! 

We all filed into the courthouse & sat down in the pews  benches to wait.  The judge arrived & we all stood.  Honestly, I did not know what to expect. It was a typical set up with the judge up on his pedestal and the two tables (each with two chairs) below.  Here we came with all SIX of our kids, plus our atty, plus Southern Darlin's GAL, plus the Adoption worker, PLUS the Casa (who apparently just came for fun because Southern Darlin' was never given a Casa worker).  The judge asked us all to approach and so we all just marched up and stood in a little semi-circle around his throne. And that, my friends, is how Southern Darlin' was adopted.  I loved it! Very informal..  They made a big deal of us making it known to the judge that we loved  Southern Darlin' which caught me off guard.. Not that we don't love her to pieces but it was never brought up in Spoiled Princess' adoption.. Hers was more of a "you understand that she will be like your own, you are responsible & she inherits from you like a biological kid".  In the end, the moment came that I had the slightest bit of worry about*.. 

The judge looked down at Southern Darlin' and asked her the big question. 

Do you want your name to forever be  Southern Darlin' Chaos??

Poor girl was so nervous that she was actually being spoke to.  But she was a brave one & quietly said yes.

The judge immediately said that was all he needed to hear & it was done!  He approved the adoption and then invited anyone who wanted to sit in his chair to come up and have a chance :)

And there you have it!  Southern Darlin' is officially one of the Chaos clan now.. When we were getting out of her bath before the first day back to school, we were talking about how she got to tell everyone that she was ADOPTED now! She was soo excited!  I asked if she thought she looked any different now that she was adopted.. The girl , bless her heart, looked at herself carefully and then said " My hair is darker now.. More like yours!" ha!  Yes it was darker at that moment -from being wet, but I didnt' spoil it, I just agreed!! :)  And there you have the very last adoption of a little girl that will happen in the Chaos family (of course by saying that I'm happy to jinx myself but I really do think it's true.)

*Southern Darlin' and I had a conversation a month or so back about what adoption was and how we'd go talk to the judge to make her ours forever and ever.. I told her the judge would probably ask her if she wanted to be a part of our family forever & she would just say yes and it'd be over.. She looked at me & says " What if I say no?"... I was dumbstruck.. Things had been going great, WHY would she even think of saying no?  So I asked where she would go if she said no because we were an adoptive family so if she didn't want to stay with us where did she plan to go?  She immediately says "Back to my old mom".  So we then had to begin the delicate discussion that her 'old mom' (fostermom) did not want to adopt anymore little kids.  It's not that she didn't want her, but that she loved her & took care of her like a babysitter. She never planned on keeping her forever, only until she could come live with us..  I did ask Southern Darlin' to tell me some good stories about her 'old mom' because if she really wanted to go back then I'd like to hear why.. All she ever tells is bad things - time outs, locked in closets when bad, bribed with candy & tv to shut up.. ect..  She couldn't come up with a happy story :(