Friday, March 6, 2015

The one with killings..

We had a pretty good week or two with Fishing Pole.  Safety measures were put into place after the morning we all woke up to the house smelling like matches/smoke.  It was explained to him that we need to keep HIM and everyone else safe when he cannot make safe choices.  I think taking away the opportunity for bad choices actually makes him more comfortable.

Whether it's the choices being taken away, new meds, or what - something seemed to be helping the behavior and attitude.  He had some anxiety about state testing (ugh! Don't get me started!!) but was able to recognize that he was worried about it and talk to me about it (vs acting out, getting in trouble and making me play detective to figure out what was really bothering him).  This is real progress! Part of the new safety measures is that he must be on the same floor and within eyesight of an adult.  It seems to be working. He has been in a much better mood and very few behavior issues at all.  I even complimented him yesterday on how well he was doing and how proud we were on how many good choices he has been making lately.

And then this morning, he woke up in an ugly mood.  A mood where Every.Single.Thing is to cause a fight. He will argue over the fact that he is arguing.

I got the lovely "I hate YOU!" again.  ooh ahh..  But this time he followed up with "I want to kill you! I really want to kill you!"

Uhmm no, this is just a step too far.  Hate me all you want because I know the minute you get out of this mood, you'll be over it.  But killing someone? The kid looked dead serious.  If he had a gun, I'd be dead.   All because a 9yo woke up in a pissy mood and decided I was mean to him.

Naturally as is true Fishing Pole fashion, an hour later he's calm and fine as if nothing ever happened.  While I think part of this is normal boy stuff, part of me wonders and worries about what is going on inside his head.

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Good Mom or Bad Mom?

Being a good mother is something I think we all strive to be. With some kids, it's easy.  They are people pleasers and always try to do whatever it is to make you happy.  I was one of those kids and I have one of those kids.   With others, it's not so easy.

Do I think I am a good mother?  Yes, and no.  I am a good mother to 5 out of  6 of my kids.  I have 1 kid who maybe I am not the best mother for him, but I am the mother that he got. This one knows how to push every single button that I possess and knows how to make me angry in 2 seconds flat. Is it his fault? Is it mine?  I think we both share that responsibility but he's a child so it falls to me.  Does that make it any easier to parent him?  No.  I love him to bits and pieces but that love doesn't make it easier to deal with certain behaviors.

I am not the slightest bit surprised that I was yelled at this morning:

I don't like you at all! You are a mean awful mom.

That's okay. You don't have to like me. I still love you even when I'm angry with your behaviors.

Well I don't love you!  You are the worst mom ever!

 Now here we are an hour later and he's wanting to show me his drawings. So yeah, I know his words were in anger and it's typical for a kid to lash out.  I've already heard the dreaded "I wish you had never adopted me!" as well.

Knowing that a lot of behaviors are impulses that he can't control (oh please new ADHD meds, please work!) and he realizes later that it was a bad choice and some times a dangerous choice (lighting things on fire in his room - not the best choice).  While we deal with each behavior as it happens, I feel many times like I am always yelling.  I'm sure he feels the same way.

As a mom to 6 kids, always yelling seems pretty typical. Someone is probably misbehaving at one point, but sadly in my house it's the 1 kid 90% of the time.  Sure I try to pick my battles but with a kid who never learns from his mistakes but does the same thing over and over, it's getting more and more difficult.

Am I a good mom?  Sometimes.

*I wrote this two weeks ago and never hit publish for some reason.  Bad blogger. lol*

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Wednesday, January 14, 2015

It's been 7 hours and 15 days....

Quick, did anyone get the song reference?  I hope so because now I can't get it out of my flippin head!  Argh!  Sinead, please no more singing in my head!  Apparently, I'm showing my age today! lol!  Okay, it's really been quite longer since I've posted but it was catchy.   We'll just say it's been a while.  We've passed thru Christmas, New Years, and two birthdays.  Drama Queen turned 19 and moved back home (she's switching to a college closer to home and commuting this semester).  Southern Darlin' turned 11 and this was the big birthday. This was the year that she has officially been with us for more birthdays than not.   Some days it still seems crazy to me that she hasn't spent her entire life here.  She has wormed her way right into the family and it's not until questions about when she was a baby arise that I have to remind myself that we didn't meet her until she was 5.

Once again, I got to play mean mom.  I scheduled both girls for oral surgery over Christmas break.  What?? They were off school, why not?   Drama Queen got all four wisdom teeth out (the day before her bday... ooops) and she is super lucky and ended up with a nice case of dry socket as well.  Bonus!!  I was given access to her cell phone and given instructions to video tape her when she came out all goofy.  Sadly, she woke up and was fine.  I was just a tiny bit disappointed.  Southern Darlin', on the other hand, was enough laughter to make up for it.  She had 4 baby teeth pulled plus 3 exposures (where they cut into the gums, hook little brackets & chains onto the teeth that have decided to go completely sideways instead of down and hook the chains onto her braces).  Apparently she was not cooperative with the sedation.  She sat there just fine but would not go to sleep. Of course once they got her knocked out, she didn't want to wake up.  lol.  The dr came out and said he gave her enough meds to knock me & Daddy Chaos out.  Eeek!  That girl was all over the place.  Crying because she was scared (which was super sad), then wanting to sit up and just flopping all over.  She had double vision which she thought was quite hilarious and kept giving commentary. Blackmail, my friends, I have blackmail..

Thankfully both girls are healed up from oral surgery and we can finally *hopefully* move forward with Southern Darlin's braces.
We are all trying to adjust to being back in school.  We were supposed to start back last week from Christmas break and went for 1.5days but had delays & snow days (which technically were because it was cold as can be and no one goes to school in such --- temps).. Another closure yesterday but we finally went back today.  All these delays and closures are playing havoc on Dimples and his need to know what's going to happen next.   He did fine for Christmas break because we were able to count down how many days of no school.  Sudden changes in the schedule make for an unhappy kiddo.  Well that and the fact that he doesn't particularly care for school.  lol.  I keep hoping that one of these days he'll decide it's not half bad, but I am not holding my breath.. If you hate school in 1st grade, I don't see how it's going to get any better.. lol.

The Birthday Tree- seems appropriate for a Season of Birthdays...

December began the Season of Birthdays.  2 in Dec, 2 in Jan, 2 in March (4 if we count my BIL & niece)..  Life is busy and hectic this time of year.  And costly.  Life is definitely costly during the Season of Birthdays.  Along with birthdays come annual well checks.  Dimples & Southern Darlin' go to the dr every three months to get a med check (height, weight, blood pressure) so it's nice to see a little growth there.  What surprised me this year was that Southern Darlin' has finally left Spoiled Princess in the dust!  For years and years, Spoiled Princess was the bigger of the two despite being a year younger.  This year Southern Darlin' has finally taken the lead at 4'10.5" & 80lbs!  Woot ! Woot!  Spoiled Princess is 4'9" & 74lbs.  No wonder all the sweat pants/ yoga pants (Soft pants as Dimples calls them ) won't fit around her waist and just fall off.  Even more amazing is that Dimples grew 1 inch & gained 1 lb in the past 3 months!!  If you recall, this is the kid that has been tiny forever. He's not a whopping 39lbs & 3'9" tall.  Yeah, he's still a bit of a munchkin for a 6yo but hey, he's finally grown into 5T pants & size 4/5 shirts (not 4T!!!).  It's the little things, people.

I could write on and on about the IEP madness that is about to make me pull my hair out, or the thoughts of another surrogacy and random email I received, or Fishing Pole and his increasing anxiety issues which directly turn into behavioral issues..  But I think this is enough playing catch up for now.

Until another day...

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