Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Sh!t has hit the fan...

Yes indeed it most certainly has!! Probably I should have kept my mouth shut & just lived with it, but alas.... I didn't..

I'm sure you guys remember me asking for
prayers a little while back. I know I never really got into why I needed the prayers, I guess I didn't want to jinx myself.. Finally we've gotten to the do or die point and with my most recent actions I could use the prayers more than ever!! Sooo, I figure it's only fair to let you know what you're praying for right?! Sit back, grab a snack because this might be a long read...

A little while back I mentioned to you the whole
sibling thing- we now know that Drool Prince's sibling is NOT due til late June.. His birthmom is having some placenta issues but hopefully that will resolve itself and there will be no new baby there til May/June. However, Spoiled Princess' sibling is the one in question.

After discussing it with Daddy Chaos, we decided that we really had to inform DCS that if there was any chance S.P's little bro came into care - WE WANTED HIM! It's her brother (albeit 1/2 brother but still!) and it's only right and fair to them that they should have the chance to grow up together.. Honestly we had to think long and hard on this because if we were to get him, that would mean bringing Spoiled Princess' biological father back into our lives.. The man does not understand boundaries, has multiple domestic violence arrests against him and has only met S.Princess one time.. But in the end we decided that that essential connection was more important- for her to be able to grow up with a biological sibling as well would be wonderful for her.

So, first I emailed the CW who dealt with Spoiled Princess' case.. I figured perhaps she'd get the new baby's case if/when he came into care & regardless she could pass it around (we have a very small county & maybe 7CWs total?). Never heard back from her in regards to my email.. Alrighty then.. Next I happily skipped into the office during one of Drool Prince's visits and asked to speak to the supervisor.. Once back there I let her know of our desire to foster (and adopt if it should come to that) both Spoiled Princess' already born sibling and Drool Prince's unborn sibling if/when they came into care. I was sure to go over every argument I could think up- we will get help if need be to handle four kids ages 3 and under, this is an essential connection between these kids and we feel it's only fair to them to have the opportunity to grow up together plus Heaven forbid we can't get the placement - I want to be able to explain to my kids that I tried my hardest to get their sibling. I also asked if by some chance we weren't placed with the sibling (talking about S. Princess' now) could we somehow work out a visitation with the other foster/adoptive parents so that the kids could at least grow up knowing each other.. The supervisor did question me on a few things- well if the siblings came into care at say age 5 -well out of your normal age range- you wouldn't want them? Uhmm no, we would still want them because HELLO they are our kids SIBLINGS! I honestly think she was trying to get me to admit that I only want them because they are babies and that I feel this gives me an 'edge' towards getting more newborns.. Not true.. Overall I got the impression from the meeting that I wouldn't be getting the placement because they dont consider them siblings since they have never shared the same household... WHAT?

So like a good internet mommy, I went home and researched.. Yes I research everything! I managed to dig up the state CW manual (ain't it lovely that it's right there on the state website for all to wander thru?) and also found a few little tidbits regarding sibling placement that I just really felt fit our situation.. So , naturally, I emailed the supervisor :

Dear Supervisor,

I was doing a little research regarding our discussion and have basically proved you a liar. Here's the proof in your own handbook that states you need to give me the chance at these siblings - so please quit holding a grudge against me because I stand up for my kids rights. Talk to the director and get back to me..

Momma Chaos

(ok of course I didn't really write that but I WANTED to.. I wrote a much nicer, butt kissing letter but did provide full proof complete with links to their own training manual which stated I was right -they were wrong, na nah nah!!)

The Letter I got back :

Dear Momma Chaos,
We are fully aware of what our manual states and reserve the right to ignore it at will. We need to consider all foster homes when making a placement- even though our manual states that we should place with you, we wont because you smell bad.. Ohh, and we just don't like you. Bad sheep!

Now honestly I really didn't expect them to roll over and play dead but I did expect some sort of concession that I was just a tad bit right. After all in the end, this is not about me or them but about the best interest of the child in question. How can it not be in their best interest to be placed with a sibling? And because I'm sure you're all wondering my exact proof , here ya go ::

710.41 The Importance of Placing Siblings Together
Biological siblings share the same genetic makeup. This becomes very important
as children move into foster and adoptive families where they differ in
appearance, medical predisposition, talents, and intellectual capabilities. When
placed with siblings, they are less likely to feel isolated.

blah blah blah blah blah
If parental rights are terminated on a child or the permanency plan for a child is
adoption, and if the child’s sibling(s) is in a pre-adoptive placement, the family
who has the sibling is to be approached about taking the other sibling(s).(ie.Drool Prince's situation)
In the event of previously finalized adoptions (ie. Spoiled Princess), the adoptive parents of those children are to be approached regarding the placement of new siblings free for adoption. The
emphasis continues to be on the child’s essential connections and respecting the power of those connections in achieving a successful adoption for the child.

Hmm did you catch that?? Yup, their own manual telling them that we should be the first people contacted.. Ok well enough said on that respect..

It then came to my attention that S.Ps' little bro is in fact already a ward of the court.. He is still in the hospital (well over a month old) because of his drug addiction and is trying to wean off everything. BUT he is already placed elsewhere with other foster parents.. Seems DCS decided to ignore our pleas for our daughter's sibling.. At this point, you got my
last post on the topic feeling defeated.. What else could I do? I've failed my daughter..

But you know what? Now I'm just pissed.. How Dare they do this? How dare they hold their ill conceived grudges against me higher than the best interest of these children? So when I get pissed, I have to fight.. What did I do?? First I contacted the CASA office who confirmed that lil bro was on their list but has not be assigned a casa yet.. So I spoke to the head guy (who knows me)& explained the issue to him.. He AGREED actually agreed with me that it would be in lil bro's best interest to be placed with his biological sibling if we were willing to take him. He said he would discuss it with DCS & also was willing to go to court and recommend it to the judge! WOW! But of course I dont dare leave it at that.. So I wrote a letter to the judge.. I did my very best to make it look like DCS must have just placed him w/o putting together the pieces and realizing that he had a sibling and were totally not at fault. I took the letter to the Casa office and let him read it first.. He agreed it sounded good & made copies to 'file' it -which basically means that everyone involved in the case (DCS, birthparent attorneys, Judge) will get a copy of it! HOLY CRAP!.. and said he'd see what he could do but ultimately it's up to the judge. I pushed just a tad and he also agreed to try and get a status hearing before lil bro is released from the hospital so we can have an answer & he wont get shuffled around if the judge does think he should be placed with us.. Then I ran over and gave the judge the original copy of the letter.. This all happened on Friday.. So now I'm wondering what kind of fall out I'll get come Monday when DCS opens up and has had time to digest the injustice I have served them.. How Dare I stand up for what is right? Bad SHEEP! BAD!!

In the end , I do feel that I've done all I can and I hope it will help.. But yes I'm sick over it, I could totally PUKE.. lol! So keep us in your thoughts and prayers.. I hope we can win this fight..

1 comment:

  1. Wow! I'm so proud of you for going to bat to have these kids together. It's awful that did not come to you first. It really is. Sending thoughts and prayers your way. ((((HUGS))))


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