As I sat here rocking Miss X to sleep, it took me back 6years.
Fishing Pole was much the same. He liked to be rocked to sleep and like Miss X, he preferred a firm pat on the butt (and omg stay in rhythm b/c nothing interrupted the near sleep like a miss timed pat). Firm to the point that you could hear it. None of this sissy patting for him.
As any regular reader knows, Fishing Pole has a pacemaker. He got it when he was 19months old. He got it because his heart would up and stop , causing him to pass out and then restart again.
So as I sat here innocently patting Miss X to sleep, I vividly remembered patting another baby 6yrs ago, getting distracted as I was wont to do (Ohh look Shiny!!) and missing a few pats. A moment later I started patting again but the missed pats and then a sudden patting startled him enough that he let out a half cry and promptly passed out.
Fishing Pole passed out soo many times from 4months-9months that I couldn't even guess at a number but each one was scary and apparently a bit traumatic to the Momma. He would flop over limp and everything would just pause. Life itself seemed to go in slow-motion as it would strike your own heart that OMG he passed out again!! And then it was over and he'd sleep while I held him for another 30+mins, apparently recovering.
I haven't thought of his passing out episodes in a while but today it all came back to me. The terror, the unknown, the fear of when it might happen again and wanting to walk on eggshells trying to make it NOT happen.
Today, yet again, I am so thankful for that little battery in his stomach that keeps that heart a beating away. *knock on wood* He has only passed out once (very very briefly) since he had it put in all those years ago.. Not only does it help him, that little piece of metal is insurance that helps me breath a little easier.