Saturday, October 15, 2011

Do you ever have one of those days?

Things are going along just fine and then all of the sudden  BAM!! It hits you out of no where.

A few months back, I was innocently facebooking when an old picture of me was tagged.   Naturally I clicked over to see what horror I am going to be faced with.  People, I had some bad hair that I thought was good at the time.. Live and learn, right?

Anyhoo the picture wasn't as scary as I thought, sure I had hair that was poofed out to but in my defense I apparently had been swimming in the lake so I'll go with it naturally dried and I'm not to blame.  It was when I clicked to look thru the rest of the album that it hit me. 

There she was, sitting on top of a boat looking happy and content.

Sixteen years ago, I was young.

I was 18, brand spanking newly married, pregnant and ready to move 1200 miles away from everything and everyone I knew to reunite with my new husband- who had went to ahead due to work & finding us a place to live close to base..

I was anxious to get on the road so when she stopped by to pick up Gma Mary, I gave her a quick hug and said 'bye' as she walked out the door.   It wasn't until she was gone that mom mentioned in a sad voice that this would probably have been the last time I'd ever see her.

It is now firmly etched into my brain and has been for these past 16years.  That quick casual hug and flippant goodbye.  It should have been so much more.  One of my few regrets in life is that I didn't pull her in close and memorize her hug, her smell, just her.

I never saw her again.  We all knew she had cancer.  We knew she wouldn't make it much longer.  But when you are young and have never been touched by the death of a close one, it's hard to imagine what it feels like.   I remember thinking it was too soon.

Today is 16years to the day that she passed.. I remember getting the call and that was when it hit me.. It was real.   Dottie was one of those aunts that loved you like her own.  She treated you like her own and didn't let you get away with crap.. God, I loved her.   She was the first person close to me to leave this earth.. (both my grandpas were already gone but one I didn't really know well and the other died while my mom was pregnant with me).  She wouldn't be the last but she helped me learn to not take things for granted.. To make sure you treat every moment like it's the last so you truly get the most out of this life.

We love and miss you still !!


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