Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Retention is over-rated.

I've always professed a need of lots of kids. Some would say that in itself is a bit of mental instability..

I would say that I have somewhat accomplished that goal.  Quite honestly, to me anything after 3 is cake.  Three is that difficult number that changes the way you parent.  You no longer have one parent per child.  It's all downhill after that.

One thing I have come to realize is that kids suck your brains out.  I used to think that perhaps when you are pregnant and nurturing this tiny sole, it somehow kills off your brain cells to help create this new life.  It's a well known phenomenon - Pregnancy Brain.  I'm not really sure why it's called pregnancy brain because once you have the kid, it doesn't get any better.    I know realize that it has nothing to do with pregnancy because of my 6 kids, I've only given birth to 2 of them.

Every.Single.One of them has stolen some of my brain cells. 

Case in point-

I took college level Calculus my senior year of high school.  (No, I'm not bragging- just making a point.)   It's been 15 years since I was in high school (God, that's dating me!!) but you would think some of that knowledge would have stuck around.   Yet somehow last night I could not come up with a single way of explaining a pattern unit to my 7yr old that her brain could recognize.  I just kept getting this blank stare or a wild guess.  This people is why I do not homeschool.

In the end, I resorted to saying something like  "Oh for the love of Pete, just circle these ones.. NO, THESE ones not those ones.  OMG, put it in your backpack and run away... quickly!!"

I think I should bake some brownies for her teacher who was soo helpful in getting this child an IEP & extra help.. Lordy knows I would be at home throwing my hands in the air and just screaming the answers because I'd spent 30mins trying to explain different ways to understand that in an A B A B A B  pattern the first A B are the pattern unit...  Argh!!

Lastly, I give you yet another example of the instability of my brain on retaining things (heck I don't even have the prenatal alcohol to blame like the 7yr old.. Do I?  Moooom?? j/k -don't hit me!) - my ability to cuss appropriately has went downhill.

I know, I know it's not something you should be proud of. Cussing is not a skill but in my family it kinda was.  Mind you we (my sister and I) didn't cuss when were kids but it was one of those perks of turning 18 - like buying a lottery ticket or cigarette  just because you could.  Ha I'm an adult- no one can tell me not  to cuss.   Still my mother has always been the absolute worst cusser (is that even a word?) known to man.  It's not that she wouldn't say the words- she just doesn't have the ability to string them together and make it sound impressive.

It's an art. I admit.  An art that my sister & I studied and perfected.  All the more fun to make fun of my mom when she would get mad and stammer out a string of cuss words that made absolutely no sense.

Have you seen Easy A ?  If not, WHY not.. Loved it.   Anyway, there's  a scene in there where Lisa Kudrow's character cusses.   The minute I saw that, I said O.M.G!! That is mom!  Here- I searched it out for you.. Now watch it and learn why I have laughed at my mother's cussing abilities for years.

Ok, so now you understand why I'm so proud of my ability to string a good cuss sentence together so at least I can cuss with style.  Right?

Except not.

All of the sudden, I am struck with crazy cussing syndrome.  My eloquent phrases don't come out right.  I'm fumbling my phrases.  It's horrible.  I am becoming my mother.   Oh, god.. I know my kids are going to get a little bit older and start laughing when I try to cuss because I'll be saying stupid ass things like " Goddamn shit damn"  That crap doesn't even make sense.

I will say that I've tried to reign in my cussing a tad.  Dimples doesn't talk a lot but he sure does pick up a phrase and repeat it to everyone at all times when he wants to.  The last thing I need is for him to pick up a big ole string of cussing.

And so instead of cussing I sometimes say "Bad Words.. Very Bad Words!" which sounds ridiculous but it makes me feel better..  Only sometimes I mess even that up..  It comes out "Bad words- stupid bitch damn.  Bad words" and I'm left shaking my head in despair.

I'm pretty sure this loss is a sign of stress.  Or I'm going to go with that and hope my art comes back to me soon.



  1. Cursing well is a skill that requires practice, just like playing guitar!

  2. I betcha I got your momma beat on the cussing abilities! (I just don't write with them.) :)


Did you read the blog? Leave me a comment people.. I'm needy like that :)