Monday, August 9, 2010

My Eyes!! My Eyes!!

I simply cannot share with you the complete horror that I encountered earlier today.

Mainly because I was too busy shielding my eyes while screaming "Omg, for the love of God- my EYES.. Stop!! My Eyes!" to take a photo with my phone..

Instead I have scoured the internet to find pictures to tell this story.. Please remember that this is only a re-enactment.. No eyeballs (cue my little kids giggling that Mommy said eyeballs) were actually injured in the story below.

I was at the pharmacy trying to mind my own business and pick up my kids new poop meds (that's totally not relevant to the story but I shared it anyway cuz I'm nice like that) and after browsing the aisle, taking my blood pressure & finally settling into a chair to read my book...

This hillbilly redneck (yes you can be both)dude in his wife beater sat down on the massage chair next to me. He grunted a few times while turning it on & scratched himself once or twice.

I promptly scooted away two chairs.

Replace beer w/ massage chair controller.

He was full engrossed in his massage chair "experience" when the Missus came strolling up all excited..  Her flip flops were about 2 sizes too small and I couldn't help but notice because Ouch, how painful would it be to walk around in those with your dang toes having off the end.  Ack!

take away cigarette & make the earring hoops big enough for bracelets.
She was all excited about these two shirts that she found on sale for $2.50. Did he want one? And she couldn't find his size- but honey they're only $2.50.. I have a XL and 2X, which one do you think?

He looked at them and decided that he needed to try them on.

Right Now.

I'm sitting there trying to read my book and not look to the side when several things occur to me at once
1.Who tries on a $2.50 shirt?

2. Seriously, anything is an improvement over the stained shirt he's currently wearing..

3. We are at C.V.S not Wal*Mart there are No dressing rooms..

4. OMG, he's going to try it on HERE? NOW??

5. Surely it'll just be over top of his current shirt.. Right?  Right??

uhmm no..  He then proceeds to whip off his shirt, sits there for a moment and then tries the XL shirt on.

Grunts.. No. Gasp.  Too tight. Put it back.

He then tries on the red one and sits back.

Missus eagerly looks at him.. Well?? How does it feel?

"It works. I'll just wear it home".

My eyes people.. I had to come home and douse them in peroxide.  Let me please point out we were sitting in the chairs immediately in front of the pharmacy.. Who does that?  ugh.

**This post proves that apparently I'm not always nice.. but then you knew that right?


  1. You are cracking me up. I just read this too my 16 year old son and he said, "Where is she from?" I just laughed and said, "I don't know." He then said, "Oh, is she not from around here, that sounds like something that would happen here." LOL

  2. AHahahahaha. Thanks for the laugh. And seriously, WHO DOES THAT!!!??? YUCK!


  4. I remember hearing that phrase in an episode of Friends...Phoebe caught sight of Chandler and Monica kissing I think...Hysterical.


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