Banishment

Here's my confession to the worst mom category.

I love my kids.

All my kids.

LOVE THEM.

Some days I just don't particularly *like* them. One kiddo in particular has been testing the limits of my patience. Pushing, pushing, pushing.. just waiting for me to break.

He hugs and loves his baby brother.

Then he trips him, takes his toys & shoves him down.

He throws toys to hit his sisters, steals toys from them and screams that he had them first- even when we all know he didn't.

He argues constantly over silly things. Things that you know he just did- he'll say he didn't do that. But I saw you. No you didn't!!

He's mean, he's a bully, he knows what buttons to push and pushes them constantly. It's one thing to have a bad day.. Quite another to have a bad day months at a time.

He can be such a good boy. SUCH a good boy. I miss that boy right now b/c all I'm seeing is the rotten one.. I want my good boy back :(

I am trying very hard to remember he is just 3 (an extreme 3 but still 3 nonetheless) and has had many changes in the last few months including a new sister who took over his spot as best play buddy to the 4yr old. He started preschool- which is a big change (and apparently gets in trouble quite a bit there for not listening) & also is dealing with his baby brother going to visits. As mean as he can be to the baby, he loves him and is very very bonded with him. I could be reading more into it but I really feel the visits are affecting him... because he has to watch "his baby" go to them... because he has to realize that bmom is actually coming to visits for the baby while she almost always avoided them with him... because he hears bmom talk about 'when she gets the baby back' and has to worry.. Yes he is 3 but he is a very smart 3..

I understand that all this affects me so I'm sure it affects him worse as he's still learning to deal with the emotions and issues. I know this deep down but it doesn't help in the moment when he's screaming and having a fit.

Some days I just have to give him a hug, tell him that I love him very much and he's not in trouble but he needs to go down to his room and play there so he doesn't get in trouble. Some days Momma just needs a break away from him and the emotions.

I hope against all hope that once everything is final in whatever way it becomes final (tpr for baby bug- I pray! & adoption for both boys) things will settle back down & I'll get my wonderful boy back.