It's all crashing down

This blog has become my place away.. Where I can vent, cry & scream w/o anyone telling me to quit ... So forgive me while I give you yet another vent, cry & scream. I promise to try to do some more upbeat posts soon. Heck I dont think I ever posted the baseball pics- things slip between the cracks of my mind too easily these days.

Things just seem to be piling up lately.

My uncle lost his battle with cancer over the weekend. They just gave him 6months-1yr less than a month ago and now he's gone.

School started last week for the bigger 3 kids. While it went well, this week has went down hill.

Preschool started for the little two this week and while it went great it also means missed naps which = grumpy kids. Unfortunately preschool kids get out right when Southern Darlin' gets out of Kindy so I now have 3 kids fighting for that special attention to show me what they did.

Drool Prince has been having increased issues with his visits with Biomom. Even his 1st steps therapist has commented on the behavior changes. His GI dr upped his prevacid and agrees that this unusual GERD flare is probably from stress. The boy is beyond clingy and up for hours during the nite.

We had our initial TPR court last week and while things are moving along, due to attorneys' schedules , they seem to be moving at a snails pace.

We repo'd the car we were selling to my niece due to her not following the rules & being late on payments. Apparently that means to her that she can just not make the payment at all which means I'm now short on money. She also apparently thinks it's ok to just ignore us and never come by to discuss how long she was losing the car for. Frustration that the once very responsible thoughtful girl has fallen in with a bad influence and is turning into someone completely different that we do not recognize.

So far this week:
Monday- visit day. Baby has recovered over the weekend & is now shocked that I would submit him to this yet again. Little two's first days of preschool- went wonderfully! They were happy to go right in. Drool prince assured me many times over and over that he loved me & missed me once I picked him up.

Tues- Southern Darlin' decided that Kindy wasn't so great after all. While in the car drop off line in the morning she became super clingy & crying refusing to stay out of the van. The principal had to get her and take her to her room. Her teacher later reported to me that she attempted to run back out of her room a few times before finally staying. We also had the viewing for my uncle that evening. Drool Prince is grumpy that Spoiled Princess has preschool and he doesn't... He does not understand the concept of M & W only!

Weds- My uncles funeral. 'nuff said.

Thurs (today)-
Southern Darlin' was grumpy this morning. She fussed the entire way to school & then begged me to walk her to her classroom instead of dropping her off in the car line. I made the apparently poor decision to walk her in (with the younger 3 kiddos in tow) hoping it would help her make the transition and we'd avoid that car line scene from Tuesday. She fussed about going in but then went in & I chatted with the teacher for a minute or two. As I was walking away, I discovered that she had snuck back out w/o her teacher or I noticing & was trying to follow me back out again. We ended up having a full out cryfest b/c she did NOT want to stay & wanted me to take her home. In the end, the teacher's aide had to physically hold on to her so I could leave.. The Adoption Worker believes (and I agree) that this is a seperation anxiety as she's not emotionally a 5yr old yet. We're working together on ideas to help her thru this, but in the meantime it's very tough to go thru for both of us.

Found out via the grapevine that my request to condense Bmom's 3 -1hr visits into a single 3hr visit to benefit both Bmom & the baby is going to be denied b/c the ' powers that be' feel I'm grasping for straws & just don't want to travel to that town 3times a week. In fact my problem with the visits is this :
#1. What kind of possible meaningful interaction can there be in 1hr?
#2. It is affecting his behavior, his sleep & his HEALTH for God's sake! We have upped his meds due to the refluxing (of course they say he doesn't reflux during visits- 1hr visits where has nothing to eat or drink and the supervisor doesn't really supervise.. hmmm yeah I believe that)
#3. Hello - the goal is termination! I am NOT saying get rid of her visits! I'm saying give her the same amount of time she's currently getting but put it all at once instead of spreading it out over the week. Right now we do visits M, T & F. So by Thursday he is starting to act a bit more like himself after M&T's visits. Then we do Friday's visit. So by Sunday he's starting to feel more secure again and we hit him w/ Monday's visit again. It's a vicious cycle for him but naturally "the powers that be" like their power and would rather believe I would make things up & up my child's meds just because I dont want to drive a bit even though I have never complained about driving.

To top all this crap off, I was paying bills and realized that my stupid Money program screwed up yet again and somehow deleted bills that were not yet paid. Which means I have missed a credit card payment- which means there goes my 0% interest- which means I'm going ot have a late fee AND a freaking higher interest rate- which means HELLO I'm behind again b/c I'm still paying bratty niece's car bills.. I'm soo frustrated at this point..

Everything is piling up on me and I just need a break. Ok done.. I dont feel better yet but maybe it'll help to get all that out. I just want to go outside and SCREAM.. and then get someone to pay off my credit cards for me.. lmao! Anyone think Oprah will take me on? Ellen? heck even Tyra.. Heck they dont have to give me a new house, a million dollars , or a closet full of Oreos (although the last sounds tempting , especially if they're double stuffed!) but just pay off my credit cards and I'd faithfully watch them forever more..