Friday, May 30, 2008

What a rollercoaster.. Can I please get off now?!

Yesterday after lunch I received a phone call from Drool Prince's caseworker. It appears that Birthmom had the new baby (a month early). At this point it is unclear as to whether or not the baby will come into care, but if he does- he will be placed here..

I have soooo many conflicting emotions regarding this. YES of course I want the new baby. He's an itty bitty teeny tiny preemie. I. Love. Babies. However, Birthmom actually is hanging around at the hospital this time. She seems confident that she's taking this one home with her. As much as I dislike the choices she's made so far in her life, she's not a bad person. Just a person that makes bad choices over.. and over.. and over again.. I'm hurting for her if the baby is taken. I can't imagine the devestation she will be feeling. Do I think she can parent this one? No way! Do I think she should be given a chance? Not really.. She's made her bed & needs to lie in it now, but that doesn't stop me from hurting for her.

At this point, I really don't know what to hope for. The selfish hope that we get the baby- because honestly we know he'll be safe here .. or the hope that maybe she really has turned her life around (although WHY has she refused drug test after drug test all these months?!) and can have a chance this time?
And if she does turn her life around- oh my God, how do I explain this to Drool Prince later.. That she couldn't/wouldn't do it for him two years earlier but did for this one?!

I"m probably not going to leave this post up b/c quite honestly I feel I'm saying too much. But I have to get it out. I know I've rambled on but my thoughts are jumbling all over itself. I wont even get into what him coming into care would mean for our Disney trip. I've got enough to worry about without thinking about that quite yet! LOL!

Regardless of what happens, please keep the new itty bitty in your prayers. All we can hope for is the best for him!


  1. I totally understand where you are coming from. My son's birthmother had another baby boy in Jan 2007 and I was worried about that little one, but she was living in a different state now and said she had gotten her act together. I can only hope. She sent us a picture of her and the new little guy and they both look good. so I understand how you hurt for her if the baby has to be removed but you care about the saftey of this little baby too. It is a paradox that we can hurt for someone who has and continues to make bad choices. But I think it helps us to see how Heavenly Father (God) sees us. He loves us so much no matter how many times we mess up. He still loves us, just not the behavior or choices. And remember this birthmother to your son is the person who gave him life even though she makes bad choices, she play a very important role (just like you and your husband and family) do in his life. Keep your chin up, and know that you don't have to have all the answers right now. I try to remember that all the time when I get stresed about something going on in my life.
    Prayers to you and your family and this new baby and the birthmother and well basicly, everyone involved.

  2. Are they going to do a tox screen on the baby?

    Good luck with everything! Any word on how long the baby will be in the hospital?

  3. Thanks so much girls!! The hospital was very leary of releasing the baby to mom. They made up various excuses to keep him in the hospital but finally released him at 1day less than a week old. There was a meconium test done, but for some strange reason Crazy County couldn't figure out a way to take him into custody pending the results?!

    So we're on vacation right now but I heard that the meconium did come back + and the baby is now in respite care just waiting for us to get home :) Let me tell you, it's taken all I've got not to hop on a plane YESTERdAY LOL!!! I'll update a post later when we get home ect :)


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