The one with the Trauma #Adoption

**Due to scheduling issues - aka blogger hates me at times and likes to leave scheduled posts as drafts - this did not post in November with National Adoption month like it was planned. It's still an important message. **


It's National Adoption month and I felt that maybe this is the time to let this one out. It's not the face that we show of adoption many times.  But it's still a face that's out there.

Let's just start this out and say go here and read this.

Go ahead, I'll wait....

Did you read it ? 


This is the truth that most foster/adoptive parents feel at times.  The lie that you portray because you don't want to admit even to yourself how bad things can be at times.  The lie that makes everything look hunky dory when in reality you are questioning every decision you've ever made.

I'm not saying that every single foster/adoptive situation is like this.  Some will make the adjustment and coast along and have a grand ole time.   But sometimes, the trauma is too much to let go and put in the past.  Sometimes, it rears it's ugly had over and over again.    Sometimes, it makes you question everything despite the love.

I think we were fairly lucky - 3 out of 4 of our adopted kiddos escaped with the bare minimum of trauma from their pasts.  One was just not so lucky.  His situation is not unique, I believe it's more on how his brain has chosen to deal with the trauma he was dealt.  Some are able to shrug it off or bury it deep within themselves and move on to be happy, healthy individuals.  Some wear it like a badge and you know constantly the trauma that they deal with.  Still others, like ours- take it and tuck it into their pockets.  They walk around like 'normal' and life is a happy , well-adjusted place ... until it's not. They grab that trauma out of their pockets and all hell breaks loose.   This, to me, is the worst kind of trauma to deal with.  You never know what might trigger the meltdowns, the anger, the hatred.  You never know if you will have your loving happy family or one where one child repeatedly causes issues with every single family member.   So you sit and you wait... you wait for the shoe to drop, for your beloved perfect child to turn into the angry hateful resentful child for whom you can do no right.

I wish I could explain to you what causes the trauma and why it affects each child so differently.  3 of my children came home to me from the hospital, they have been with me their entire lives. 1 was tossed from drug house to drug house, subjected to unspeakable things and finally found her way to me at age 5.5. If she were my traumatized kid, I would well understand it.  I am thankful and surprised daily at how well she has adjusted into a normal happy tween.   Instead it is one of the 3 that came to me at birth.  Do I understand some of his issues?  Certainly !! Lots of hospital stays (despite the fact I was always beside him) can cause trauma, prenatal drug exposure is proven to cause trauma (rejection), and a birth mother who repeatedly showed favoritism to one child over the other (abandonment issues).  So can I understand why he has trauma? Yes, but it doesn't help us deal with it. Does this change how I feel about it? Do I regret adopting him??  Absolutely not.  All of my children are MY babies. Whether I birthed them or not, I love them the same.  Some just like to test those bonds a little more :)

This month we celebrate the Adoption Day anniversary of  Dimples & Fishing Pole.  I am thankful each and every day to have them in my life. .

The one with the nearly severed ear.

Let me start this by saying that I wrote this days ago on my phone with the handy dandy Blogger app.  If you don't have the Blogger app for your phone- don't bother getting it. It's completely worthless!  No copy & pasting allowed.  You can't pick where you want the photo to go, and when do you get a post written it refuses to post OR Save! ARGH.  Hence the reason I am now re-writing this post and possibly loosing any humor that was in the first telling.  Again, I say ARGH.

So this was meant to be the story of Spoiled Princess' ear and how it is that she ended up with it nearly severed.  It's really not as gloriously gory as it sounds but who could resist a title like that?

Several months ago, Spoiled Princess started complaining of pain in her right ear (yes the particular ear is important for later).  It started out after swim lessons but eventually it was hurting on days that she didn't have swim lessons.   So off to the doc we went .

Dr H, our absolutely favorite pediatrician - so beloved that my nearly 20yo still goes there b/c she doesn't want to lose him, came in and asked what was wrong and what we should do about it.  Spoiled Princess said that her ear hurt and Mom said we could give a shot in the ear or two in the butt to fix the problem.  (Mom is nice like that!).  I also piped in with the thought that we could just cut it off.  Dr H agreed that we could do any of those, which would SP like to do?  She rolled her eyes at both of us and huffed that she didn't want to do any of those options.   Ha. We tried.

Once Dr H looked in both ears and reaffirmed which ear hurt, he decided that we needed to go to ENT.  You see when Spoiled Princess was around 3, she got tubes in her ears and she was still tubed in the left ear.  Dr H's theory was that right ear pain as caused by the tube still being in the left ear and not being able to adjust to the water pressure.

Off to ENT we go.  I called and made the appt- clearly stating that we needed to get a tube removed. Naturally they scheduled us with a dr who does NOT specialize in ear surgeries.  Imagine that.  So we had our initial appt, discovered that Spoiled Princess had mild hearing loss, a small hole in her right ear (the ear that hurt) and a much larger hole & retained tube in the left ear.  Yep, definitely needing surgery but of course we need to wait and have a consult with the actual dr that specializes in ear surgeries. 

3 weeks later and we finally see the dr we need who confirms that yes we need surgery.

1 week later and we are into surgery!

Boy oh boy was that rough!  Spoiled Princess did good and was so brave. She elected to get the IV and go to sleep that way vs the smelly gas. No flinching or tears!  Brave girl!   Surgery itself went well.  They put a paper patch on the tiny hole in the rt ear.  The left ear was more in depth and had a significantly larger hole which required a graft.  In order to see clearly,  the dr had to make an incision behind her ear.   I finally looked at the incision several days later and realized that it was pretty much an ear removal. LOL. That thing was hanging on just barely!

From tippy top to the bottom.

Waking up was pretty rough and some of her anxiety kicked in but once we got out of the hospital she was doing better.  Its now been 1 week since surgery and she's doing well!  She goes back next week for a check up but at least now she has a story to tell and a scar that no one will see  :)

The one with the puking...

It's bound to happen sooner or later...

Dimples caught a stomach bug.  He is really not in tune with his own body and how he feels so he rarely will tell you when he doesn't feel good.  Or he'll tell me his stomach hurts, and then point to his throat.  He definitely knows the puke feeling though - thank you reflux.

He does NOT know how to puke however.   What?? You didn't know that most people knew how to puke?  Sure you do- normally you just follow your body's cues.

 Step 1. Your stomach gets upset.

 Step 2. You normally get a rush of saliva.

 Step 3. Your stomach rolls and voila!  Puke.

Dimples feels that his stomach is upset and so he must instantly puke.  So he squats at the toilet and does this weird scream heave thing.  I honestly can't even describe it.   But no matter what, he insists that I be there beside him to wipe his mouth and "calm him down" .    After about round 5 of the scream puking, I told him that he needed to stop making himself puke and just let it come on it's own.  And also that he didn't need to yell when he puked.   Mean Mom - right here.

No matter what you do, do NOT say that he just has a stomach bug.  Which will cause him to look around in alarm and point to his stomach asking In Here??   Which will immediately remind you that he is deathly afraid of bugs and so you switch to a stomach Virus.  Which, of course, means he will constantly ask you to get a flashlight to look down his throat and see if the virus is still there..

2 Pukes later and he's laying in my lap exhausted and asks me : "Is this the sound that means I have to puke?"  meaning the moaning that he's currently doing. 


2 more pukes later  " Am I following the rules of puking?"


Sigh.  There are no rules of puking dude.. Just stop trying to force it out because you're only going to feel worse.

6 hours later and he's finally holding some applesauce & 7up down.  Fingers crossed that we have passed that particular bug!